procrastination is my middle name

Okay, it's been a bit of a minute since I've given you an update, readers!

There's been enormous change in my personal life, but nothing I want to share with you just yet, darlings. To deter speculation, I am not pregnant, engaged or otherwise planning a big surprise announcement; my apologies! Let's talk Whole30, shall we? I have so many interesting things to share (which probably won't interest you in the same way they interest me)! Feel free to skip to the part after this if you're interested in just my ...symptoms.

Okay, we left off on day 25. Five days left and I started to get antsy. It wasn't that I didn't want to eat Whole30, I was just sick of my options, hadn't been to the grocery store, and was totally living the motto "failing to plan is planning to fail." I was close. Regardless, I pushed through. Let's do a quick recap of the last five days and then a recap of what happened in my POST W30 mess.

Day 26 - July 4. 
Happy Independence Day! M had to work so it wasn't a temptation for drinking and what not. We went to our fave restaurant  for dinner and called it a day. I had a delicious kale and pomegranate salad and we ate mussels. Easy peasy.

Day 27 - July 5. 
I got on a plane and went to Portland, Oregon. Larabars, raw sweet potatoes and kombucha, oh my! Life was good, easy, and my wonderful sister took me to Trader Joe's to buy groceries. We ate steak and grilled peppers for dinner, and I tried my hand at prosciutto wrapped figs. #delicious. 

Picture for extra effect - and so you keep reading. 

Follow my instagram to see these firsthand! @sadienewell


Day 28 - July 6
Lindsay and I spent another wonderful day together, ate another wonderful meal together from the grill, and watched a TON of catfish. YOU GUYS, I'm obsessed with that show! She took me on a walk where I pretended to hate it and not want to walk (which I didn't, so I guess I wasn't pretending) but I did get to see some amazing views. Portland is probably the prettiest city in the world. I say this with the most biased tone ever! Portland is wonderful - where else can you find parks down a CITY STREET with trees this amazing?

This was seriously a quarter mile from Lindsay's house, and the trail we walked went on for at least a mile. It is gorgeous and I am so happy she drug me along! I had a wonderful summery time!


Day 29 - July 7 
Homeward bound. I went back to where it all began: Long Beach, Washington. The place where dreams are made of. The place that makes me who I am, where everything makes sense and I feel peace in my heart. Where anxiety fades and I am surrounded by the people that I love and adore. This trip was hard for a few reasons - namely, all my friends are doing really amazing things with their lives and I am not. I feel like I am unremarkable, and that I need to do more. I'm working on this, but that's a blog for another day. I went home and after debriefing my dad and his lady about this Whole30, they were intrigued and supportive of my choice! We had fresh (and I'm talking, came off my dad's boat and into my mouth in the same day fresh) salmon with asparagus. Delicious. That's my dad. I get my good looks from him, obviously.

Day 30: July 8
It was a day like any other... but no, really, it was. I made my signature breakfast (sweet potatoes and eggs) and totally added salmon. I thought about the things I wanted for the following day. Cream in my coffee, a glass of wine, maybe a chocolate something. But what happened was much worse in a few ways, much better in a few others. This doesn't make much sense right now but I can't tell you until I tell you what happened in my post whole30 glow!

My last breakfast. It was delicious. Salmon is so different when it tastes like butter, and feels like Jesus wrapped you in a hug. I seriously swear I felt sunshine in my belly.

Let's talk about the next part, the ... fallout. 

I'm not one for self-hate these days, but I can really be an idiot sometimes. I read the reintroduction chapter of It Starts With Food. I knew what I had to do. I knew to only do things one at a time, a day between....I knew I shouldn't do whatever I wanted. 

It may be important to tell you I'm a gemini right about now. This is what happened. 

Day One of Poor Life Choices. 

I went to a bar with Madeline. THIS GIRL AND HER BARS. Literally, if you don't want to be irresponsible and drink a ton, don't go anywhere with this girl. She also has a much higher tolerance than me on a regular day, and then add to that my lower-than-normal tolerance and we are all sorts of screwed. Well, I was. At least I looked cute. 

My head also looks much too big for my body. This is something that happened to me years ago. Like, when I was 14. 

This had vodka in it. High fives to the bartender, Eric, ensued. Also names for the local clientele ensued. Sadie was back on the town (and had no idea what was about to happen to her body). 

I woke up the next day feeling LIKE HELL. I had what, 3 drinks over a 6 hour period? I wasn't hungover, let me make that clear. I wasn't vomity, sweaty, unreachable. I was just uncomfortable. My stomach was cramping, I felt like I got ran over, and I was really uncomfortable. Note: not a hangover! Just icky, icky contractions of food and alcohol digesting. If this is what labor feels like, count me out. 

Day Two of Poor Life Choices:

Martinis with my sixth grade literature teacher (no lie), a pseudo-bachelorette party where the apps were delicious, and the rose was sweet. We had shrimp curry and I was very excited to eat rice. In my brain it was a wonderful idea. 

I had zero foods of nutritional value (no, wait, we did go to Walgreens and I found some approved nuts and fruit) and the next day I wanted to die. 

Labor pains is what I'm deeming these feelings. Labor pains forever. 

But wait, I continued. Because apparently I have a deathwish. 

Day Three of Poor Life Choices:

I. Ate. This. A sandwhich. With cream cheese. Cheese. Raisins. Pineapples. Apples. Turkey. Lettuce. And LOTS OF BREAD. 

I felt terrible. And of course I ate the whole thing, which was probably 800 MILLION calories. I was so full and labor pain-ey that I had to lie down in a public place. I'm an embarassment to society. 

These were the highlights of my poor choices. I felt terrible. 

Needless to say, my hey day is over, and although I'm incorporating some more paleo foods and less whole30 foods, I already feel better. Just fantastic! 

I also don't think it's a coincidence that I totally broke out as soon as I stopped eating unprocessed foods. YOU GUYS. IM OVER IT. Homemade LaraBars, dates, and other foods, get in my belly! 

Thank you, readers, for reading my thoughts through this journey. Now that I'm done, I don't know what this blog will turn into, but I'm willing to find out. It won't be over, and it may be where I document my 30 days of something else. I did find that through this, I became more. More aware, happier, more confident. 

Would I recommend this to someone? Absolutely, yes, without a doubt. If you have food issues, unresolved or resolved, looking for a way to get a healthier handle on life, yes. Yes, yes yes yes yes. 

five to go!

Today, I'm ending day 25! I'm very excited to be done with this, as shopping for groceries is really hard, especially when learning a new store, but I'm also excited to finish it. This has definitely renewed my willpower, drive and has recentered my life just a little. I may not be smarter, prettier or nicer when the 30 days is up, but I did learn a lot about myself and shockingly about what we put into our bodies every day.
Speaking of, I'm obsessed with this kombucha. I didn't have much of a taste for it before, but now it tastes so much like a fizzy juice that I can't say no. This flavor, Guava Goddess, has been my favorite out of all the Synergy flavors thus far. 

So, I'm not going to stand on a soapbox here and tell all (ten) of you that you should do this 30 day thing, that it'll change your life (I'll write it on Facebook instead!) or that this is the answer to your problems. To be honest, it isn't. Whole30 won't be the answer. For the first three weeks, I was convinced it wasn't the answer for me. I did not honestly think that I could commit for 30 days into a program and it change my life. It did, but in different ways than I predicted. 

Yes, I wanted to look bomb in a bikini during our vacation. Yes, I wanted to eat right. Yes, I had heard the hype and YES I wanted to show myself that it isn't impossible to commit to something.

I'm going to speculate and say that we oftentimes think that "life gets in the way." Sure, life gets in the way of a lot of things. I forgot Alene's birthday this year, I didn't send my mom a card for Mother's Day (I don't think...), I don't get to go home as often as I like. LIFE gets in the way. My job gets in the way, the things I have to do in the city I live get in the way.

But life did not get in the way of what I ate - that was a choice I made, every meal. It was my choice to put something in my body, to either adhere to the guidelines or not. It was my choice to follow directions.  The first time I attempted (halfheartedly at best) Whole30 I didn't try to follow the directions. I failed. This time, I've followed the directions, haven't made anything classified as SWYPO (Sex With Your Pants On), haven't tried to fit junk food into a clean eating cycle. Even on the days where I didn't have the outcome I wanted, where I wanted to give up, where I thought it would be easy to just throw in the towel...I chose not to. I don't think Whole30 is the answer, not because it doesn't work, but because some of us don't necessarily try. Effort also looks different to people. My sister is going through a lot of the same choices I am right now, and she's bettering her body. It's awesome to be her cheerleader and hear about her journey - although different from mine, her effort is matched or even surpassing mine. I don't know if I have ever put 100% effort into anything, this included. I wonder what that would look like.

I digress. As I was saying, my life has been changed but not in the ways I predicted. I'll get back to this just because it's something I haven't figured out for myself just yet - when I know how to verbalize it I will, but the space is not today; plus, I'm sure you're done hearing my rambling!

 Now let me show you a picture of my dinner from yesterday because why not?! If you made it this far, you  may as well see what I ate.

Beef, pineapple salsa on a bed of romaine, peppers, sundried tomatoes, and a few broccolini. I tried to do olives, but I just really don't like them. Never have, and apparently never will.

I'm still not one for a big dinner or really ANY dinner in the night so I'm trying to be really cognizant of what I eat throughout the day. My life has been crazy lately and I feel like I'm subsisting on hard boiled eggs and larabars, but we are getting there. Slowly but surely, and with time, we are getting there.

Stay tuned for day 26, where we discuss America's [pretend] Birthday! 

what does my tire and my stomach have in common?

Twenty Three, you guys. Twenty. Three. 

Now, I know it's been a few days, but I want to let you know I have NOT fallen off the bandwagon. I've made it, the last few days, even with all the things going on in my life. I'm not going to lie - today I wanted to seriously drink some wine, scotch, disaronno, etc. Anything. Maybe even actual grape juice. I wanted chocolate - but I knew it was coming from my emotions and not my belly. Now, I know that this is only supposed to be about the Whole30, but sometimes I think that we are human and need to talk about our lives. Plus, this life is too crazy to even make up. Let's start with...ummm, well, I don't know. Last night!

So, last night I was driving around OKC, just hanging out, living the dream, driving on 235 South. Let me set the stage: 10:30 pm, it's dark out. A little windy, but no rain in sight. Jake Owen on the radio. The on-ramp I want to take is blocked because of construction. No big, I'll take the detour. I take the detour which, if you ask me, should also be closed for construction. I hit a pothole (or something in the road, it is hard to say in the dark), feel my car jump in the air and skid to a stop. I put the car in park, obviously, and there was this weird grinding noise (more on that later) so I wasn't sure if I was supposed to jump out of my car and check for fire or not. When I got out, and sensed impending doom, I ran over to my right side and saw this:

So...that's not just a flat tire. That's a hot-ass-mess.

I do what any normal being would do - checked my trunk for my spare and my jack. Apparently, I'm the last person to realize that my Kia didn't come with a spare tire. It comes with a bubble-wrapped inflator and a PSI reader. In this situation, I did not have a need for either one of those things.

So, Triple A said they wouldn't bring me a tire, but they would tow my car. Well shoot. I don't know where anything is but OK. Tow my car, let's do it! I'm sitting there just laughing at the irony of this, knowing M is at work late, doing his thang, slanging his players, and I'm over here stranded on the side of the road. Of all days, it has to be the first day of free agency. Good thing I had my taser!

I tow my car to a Firestone and go on my merry way to bed. No big. I go back to my Kia today to give the people my key and they tell me to go home and they'll call me with a prognosis.

Apparently my axel tore out of my transmission. I need a new wheel. The car is undriveable. The wiring has been chewed by dogs. My airbags won't deploy. I don't have a car. All this and I still can't have a glass of wine?! 

To keep this long story from getting out of control, I spend 45 minutes on the phone with my insurance who tells me that if the cost of the car repairs is 60% of my car's worth, it's considered totaled. Right now, I'm hovering very close to that number. Well....we won't count on the total but in my  mind, I just don't know why I would want to put more money into that damn thing. 

So. What does this have to do with Whole30? Well, I realized today that I was driving past places I would never, in the real world, want to eat at. For some reason, Panera, scones at Starbucks, fried chicken (really?!) and soda. I can't even. I realized though, that it was because I was feeling emotional and wanted to curb it. I didn't give in, and instead ate my usual diet of eggs, broccoli, sweet potatoes, veggies, what have you. I am so incredibly thankful for Whole Foods. 

TODAY. Today I had a non-scale victory. I have been feeling a little discouraged with my progress on Whole30 because I haven't lost weight. I know it doesn't happen to everyone, and I also didn't eat terribly beforehand. I have been feeling pretty down on myself and its not like my pants fit any better - I just hate wearing pants anyway. Dresses are much better. I decided to bite the bullet and try on some of my cocktail dresses from college. To be clear: I haven't been able to wear those since college, and even then it was questionable. 

It was a moment for me. A definite victory. It feels really good to know that even if I'm not feeling the best, and even when I can't tell if this is doing anything for me, I can try this on and it'll fit! Yay!

day twenty three, turn down for what?!

where's my bowling bag?!

Today marks the end of day 19, a big accomplishment in my mind! This week, I have been tried and tested and have found that I'm really doing okay at this. 

I've been testing myself, that's for sure - giving jelly beans to my students, or happy hour with the girls, and just making sure that this life is sustainable when I leave the confines of 30 days. I noticed that I don't miss a lot of things anymore. Yes, wine is always a perfect complement to any meal, and yes, sometimes I'd really like a toffee nut americano. But I know that these things are necessary and its hard to argue with feeling so damn good. 

But today was a struggle. I know I've mentioned (a million times) how tired I am. Well, I still am tired. I've come to terms with it, and realize that I have some other things to worry about like if I'm tired because of my job or because I'm medically tired. Time will tell. Anyway, today started with a leap out of bed after looking at my iPad for the time. It was 6:56 am - and I report to work at 7:15 each morning. Unfortunately, I didn't feel well the night before and hadn't packed my lunch - I also make my breakfast in the mornings before work so my eggs are fresh and over easy. Today, that wasn't in the cards. Cue breakfast:

Raw sweet potatoes and black coffee. It took me about ten minutes to open up the vacuum sealed Applegate turkey I had, but when the scissors came out, I added protein to this breakfast of champions. And perhaps a larabar.  

Lunch wasn't much better. Blueberries (more than I care to admit), the rest of my turkey, macadamia nuts and an apple that didn't make it in my stomach. 

Second Lunch/First Dinner was the best bet so far. We stopped at Kona, and after being a brat and explaining the confines of Whole30 to my bestie Elijah, he came out with a beautiful plate of bibb lettuce and a shrimp/chicken mix that wasn't seasoned or dipped in weird sauce. I am so thankful for him and his knowledge of whole foods. 

I'm betting there will be another meal/snack in my future, but I'm not really sure just yet. If there is, I don't plan on mentioning it ever so live it up now! This day was just a bust, but I found that I was able to navigate the waters of oversleeping, making choices on a gametime level, and still making a good choice for my health. Everyone was a winner today! 

Day 20, and the 10 day countdown start tomorrow! 

day 17 or bust.

I'm three days away from 20! That's weird, considering it felt like forever 8 days ago.

Today, I made dinner! It is technically "clean out yo fridge" week up in here, and my meals are getting a little wiggity-whack. Breakfast, per usual was a sweet potato/egg combo (and seriously, not going to show that since I eat out of tupperwares 90% of the day) that I inhaled when my students were eating breakfast. I will never be a slow eater. It's the curse of being a teacher - we eat in 10 minutes or less out of pure necessity. If it takes me 15 minutes to eat something, it must be really chewy. Note: I hate chewing. 

Lunch was chicken that I quickly just pan sauteed today while I was getting ready for work (before I was verbally assaulted by my loving neighbor) with a salad, the rest of my bacondates and some cherries.
I lost track of time in between 4 and 8, but I committed to eating dinner tonight. I realized that I don't really like eating dinner. I'd rather eat 2 big meals and a small snack at night than 3 meals. It's at least ... food for thought! hah! Pun intended. 

Anyway, for dinner I had...drumroll please....Trader Joe's pork belly, roasted asparagus, raw red pepper and butternut squash. Simple, easy, quick to make and delicious in my belly. Doesn't that look glorious? I can't imagine the things it would make me do with a fancy camera. This was too much goodness for one plate. I'm super full, and so happy that I finally sat down for a meal. I'm not sold on this whole dinner-as-a-meal business, but I'll look into it. I have some brussels sprouts that need attention by tomorrow or I'll have to throw them out.

Today's noteworthy moments:
I felt really good. No tiger blood, but I didn't nap after work! I am trying to wean myself off naps, but sometimes they are just too tempting. I also was able to curb my hunger and didn't snack between meals today. That's a big accomplishment so yay! See you tomorrow for day 18!

whoooaaaa, we're halfway there...

Sometimes, I do think I'm livin' on a prayer. 

But hey, all Jon Bon aside, today is the halfway point of the Whole30! I've made it fifteen whole days on this! Wahoo!! The rest has to be a cakewalk, right? Right. Let's recap the last few days.

Yesterday I was knocked on my ass by this sickness that I got last week...it. was. terrible. I knew I had been tired lately, and I just couldn't get motivated to work out or really get up in the mornings no matter how much I slept. After a couple weeks of this, combined with the beginning of Whole30, I put my body in some sort of shock that made it impossible to attack this sickness. After spending Sunday in bed, I feel a ton better. I ended up going to work today and by the end of the day I felt pretty good. Definitely the most bright eyed and bushy tailed that I've felt in a very long time. I'm excited to see what I feel like tomorrow morning.

Today I had an interesting day. I wasn't hungry for the majority of the day - breakfast (sweet potatoes and eggs) held me over until lunch (lettuce wraps + red pepper + apple + larabar) and I was sated until dinner (chicken asparagus stirfry + bacon wrapped dates + blueberries). But I just couldn't stop thinking about food. I wanted to eat all day. I can't figure out if its because I'm actually missing nutrients here or if I'm just replacing my energies in eating crap into eating the crappiest whole food I can find. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I know that this is a problem I'm trying to solve anyway. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. I just have to focus myself in the last 15 days to make great choices, continue on the path, and see where I'm at in 15 days. 

On a kind of related note, I made bacon wrapped dates today. OMG. so good. I can't get enough of these and I'm pretty sure I'm going to put myself into a coma eating all this goodness. All I did was cut bacon strips into thirds, pit my dates, and wrap them up! In the oven, 375 for 20 minutes (flip after ten) and the goodness comes out. If you haven't made them yet, please stop reading immediately and make these now. If you have, and you don't like them, I'm sorry, we can't be friends. They are in my fridge, calling my name, saying "eat me, eat me" and it's getting really hard to say no. Argh. Whole30 is really killing me. Who would have thought I wanted to eat bacondates 15 days ago? Not I. Not I. 

ho hum. day 11.

It's naptime again, and today I forgot my book. Feel free to stop reading now! But seriously, I've gotten a lot of feedback from you, readers, and I am humbled that you take the time to read about my life and my adventures with Whole30. I appreciate each and every one of you! Today has been a wonderful day when it comes to my personal life and goals, but when it comes to Whole30, I'm definitely in the rut. Let's start with the timeline, shall we?

Days 10-11: The Hardest Days.
Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11. By this point, the newness of the program has worn off. You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises. You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.”  Everywhere you look, you see the things you “can’t” have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler. Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as “they” all say it is.
You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.
This is where you really start to experience the psychological hold that your food habits have on you. You’ve put in a lot of effort to get to where you are right now, but you’re still waiting for the results you’re hoping to see. Your  brain tells you that you deserve some kind of reward (don’t you?) and, of course, we’ve been conditioned to think of food as the best reward out there. Right now, you’re craving that ice cream, beer, or whatever treat you think would make for just the right reward. But, instead of that treat, you’re standing face to face with the realization that you have 20 more days of deprivation ahead of you.
The key here is to redefine your idea of reward.  Think long and hard about the foods you’re grieving and ask yourself what need you’re expecting them to fulfill.  Are you feeling anxious and looking for reassurance?  Are you feeling sad, and looking for something to cheer you up? Are you worried you won’t successfully finish the program, and it’s easier to self-sabotage than fail? Remind yourself that food cannot fill that void for you—cannot make you feel truly accomplished, comforted, calm, happy, beautiful. Then, find another way to fill that need that does not involve those foods. Prepare yourselves for these days, knowing that all you have to do is see them through to the other side before things get much, much easier.
- See more here!

I am pretty sure I yelled at one of my wonderful coworkers after finding a chocolate bar (skinny cow chocolate plus caramel yummmm) in her lunchbox- and yesterday I had sweet potatoes and eggs for breakfast AND dinner. Namely,  I love sweet potatoes, but also because I'm bored with my food choices. I haven't really had any weird food dreams lately, which is nice, but I do find myself just wanting to eat a ton. I am hungry, and I'm not sure if it's because my body is adapting or because I just psychologically want. to. eat. Time will tell, I suppose! I also want a taco. I don't generally like tacos. I blame my chocolate eating coworker, who brought taco salad today (you know who you are...)! 

I'm not craving anything, but I am hungry. I also woke up with a sore throat after not feeling rested this morning. We will see what's going on in the coming days, but so far, I'm holding on strong! ....I'm still waiting for the magic to happen. 


afternoon update on sore throat: almost positive I have strep. Hydrogen peroxide and my couch have been my very best friends. I'd go to the doctor, but who needs modern medicine? I'm not broken! 

PS, I'm trying to be better about pictures, I swear! 

ONE THIRD!!

You guys, as I sit here, in the throes of day 10, my mind is blown. 

Not only have I actually made it 10 days without cheating, stopping, or getting bored of the foods I'm eating, I've (dare I say?) enjoyed the mental challenge this has made me face. Yesterday was TOUGH. Actually, the last 2 days were tough. I left you at the end of day 8 with a blog about how I couldn't sleep enough. 

Two hours later, I was wondering if I would ever sleep again. I guess my nap was so hardcore that my body decided that it would wait until about 2 am to fall back asleep. Although I was exhausted yesterday, I held out on napping after work, and instead started getting my life in order: cleaning my kitchen, sorting my laundry, etc. Ah, it felt good to be productive! I went to bed last night, read a little in Harry Potter, then passed out. I slept, without waking up, until 5:58 this morning and felt like a brand. new. person. 

I'm too pessimistic to say that the exhaustion is over, but dang, did it feel good to wake up without any aches and pains or tired eyes. The next step is (according to the timeline) the hardest to get over. For the next three days the timeline assumes that I will want to quit. Can I just say, right now, that last night I passed the time by googling Whole30 Failure? Yes, it was helpful in keeping my mind off the no-no cupboard I have, but at the same time, I felt the urge to have a glass of wine, or juice, or anything that wasn't water. Unfortunately for my taste buds, and fortunately for me, I refrained and went to bed instead. I woke up feeling great today, so I'm going to take it as a win! 

Today I'm meeting some out-of-town friends that I haven't seen since their wedding last summer. I am hoping to stay strong and not do anything that kills my hard work - because trust me, this is hard work - but I know in the end it is just up to me to say no.  

Brownies, Wine, and Candy, oh my.

 20 days to go! 

The Dirty Thirty

Besides coming up with clever names for the Whole30, what am I doing? Ummm, dreaming about food. Thank you for asking. 

You guys. I'm so tired. I haven't worked out (is this normal then? Do I need to start pumping some iron?) and I can't even make it through the DAY without a nap. I teach the little ones in the morning and by the time I get home I'm so tired I could just go to bed outright. Does this go away? PLEASE say yes. I should try to work out. I bet I'd fit into this stupid dress (no offense Mad, the cause is not stupid, but the dress is) if I just you know, exercised for a second. Alas, I think I might need a bed WEEK if I do any sort of physical activity. I napped for three hours after school today. I'm still so tired I could go to bed! 

On a completely different note, can I just thank the maker of Larabars personally?! Not only are they delicious, Whole30 approved and actually made with things that expire, I love the price. I went to Target today and found all the boxes on sale! Win! 

I'm afraid to put on pants. I don't know if I'm past the bloating stage yet, or I'm just living there, so I refuse to put pants on. Seems legit, right? I an't figure out what exactly I'm in stage-wise. Today, day 8, says...

Day 8-9: For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER.

You’ve made it through the Hangover, and managed not to kill ALL the things, and you’re starting to feel like things are back on level ground again.  Then, you put on your pants. They’re just pants, completely normal pants. In fact, they’re the pants you wore just three days ago. (You were too tired to wash them. It’s okay, we understand.) And three days ago, they fit.  But this morning you had to take a big deep breath to get that button where it ought to be.  What gives?!

The same processes that ran over you like a truck a few days ago are still working their magic in your body.  Your body composition is not actually changing for the worse, we assure you. The enzymes that digest your food and the millions of bacteria that live in your gut are adjusting to your new intake of meat and vegetables, and the lack of easy-access sugars.  This is something they do naturally, and these adjustments have contributed to humanity’s ability to flourish throughout our history.  However, these adjustments can be a bit… uncomfortable. Bloating, constipation, diarrhea, or all three may appear as your gut starts to heal, rebalance, and process this new food effectively. The good news is that most people find this phase passes relatively quickly, and their pants are easy to button again within a week or so.

- See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.PlqswJIu.dpuf

But...but this was me already! Wait, I just realized that the phase before this is called "I Just Want a Nap" so maybe I am on track. Apparently I won't get my energy back for another, oh, 8 days. Yay me. Until then, you'll find me complaining about how exhausted I am. Kthx. 

There is something, though, that I find very interesting about this. 

I don't care if you never read my blog again, listen here and now. I'm going to tell you to listen like the kid that wants cupcakes.  Seriously, future lawyer.  I am a forever calorie-tracker. They say to not track calories or weigh yourself in your endeavors with Whole30 (sorry, to get in my shower I have to get on the scale); that you know, you're changing your body from the inside so it may not be accurate, etc etc. I believe that, and I've made an effort to not really delve or think much of it while my body sorts itself out. I was, however, curious about how many calories I've eaten on average. I used to eat around 800 a day, exercise and call it good. I never got abs, never felt good about my body, and although I'm not working out now and I'm bloated as eff, I feel better about what and how I'm eating. No lemonheads and wine dinners for this girl anymore. 

Anyway, I plugged in my meals today into livestrong myplate, and something very interesting happened. Just by listening to my body, making sure my plate had on it the things I was feeling like eating (within reason), I hit all my former calorie goals AND fell in the right percentages. I used to beat myself up about needing 6% more protein, less carbs and 2% more fat....now, it seems to come naturally with what I'm eating and that makes me a VERY happy girl. If you haven't started Whole30 yet, do it now. This instant! 

Today's Meals:

1: Sweet Potato, 2 eggs

2: faux-ghetti (zoodles) with chicken sausage and marinara, apple (found that this does NOT hold me over until dinner. not one bit!) 

3. asparagus (roasted), zoodles w. onion (sauteed) and lamb leg with a side of blueberries and raspberries

--because Meal 2 was too small (about 200 calories less than 1 and 3) I ended up eating like a heathen in my car after the grocery store. Snack of choice? Larabar. Although it was a snack, it was still a win! 

the last four days...

Last time we were together, dear reader, I was on day 3. Dreaming of food, thinking about food, cooking food, eating food. FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD. 

I just finished my last meal of the day (so I've officially completed day 7) and I want to recap my experiences thus far. I had a challenging weekend, but we will talk about that here in a nanosecond. So far, there have been a lot of interesting things happening inside my body. Don't worry, I'll explain in the most demure way. 

1. Fruit. Fruit seems to be the magical (new) demon. Can't have too much, for fear of replacing cravings with cravings, but unfortunately, as I learned in my traveling weekend, it is readily accessible at places like QT, and most the time, my only option. I ate a ton of fruit - or so it felt. It probably wasn't enough to take up a whole paragraph, but so be it. 

Whole Foods, however, really saved my life. Not only with their fruit selection (but also, amazing how you can buy fruit with coconut pieces in it. AMAZING)! 

2. Peer Support is SO HUGE. Listen, I've told people at work about it (some like to tease me about carbs and cheese!) but it's been a pretty positive experience there. When I went to OKC this weekend, I figured it would be difficult as M and I usually eat out, drink wine, have dessert, the usual. I told him I was going to do this Whole30 thing and didn't really go into detail, but when I was telling him what I could and couldn't have I had to laugh. "You can't have CHEESE? But why?!" "No cream in your coffee?!" "Just meat and vegetables?!" By the end of the weekend, he was on my level. Of course, when he ordered a cookie I gave him the death stare, but he was really great about making sure we went somewhere we could get something to eat that we could both enjoy or just eating at home (again, Whole Foods for the win). 

3. Sleep is..interesting. I'm back to talking in my sleep. Maybe I never stopped but it's one of those things: if a bear poops in the woods, does it count? No one is here with me during the week to see if I talk or not!  I fall asleep quickly, stay asleep longer, but my body is more tired than usual. I can't figure out what that's about, so hopefully it just stops soon. I'm pretty much over it. 

4. Speaking of sleeping, DREAMS are gettin' all sorts of funky. I had a dream last night I was eating everything. I started by telling myself no (real world situation right there) and then I tried talking myself into it (also real world). As the dream progressed, I had told myself it was okay to eat _____ and that since I already gave in and quit my Whole30 I should just keep eating. In my dream, I did. I was so sad and disappointed, until I woke up and the fact that I was asleep was confirmed! Dreams get funky, and you know the cravings are still there. 

5. I can't get enough sweet potatoes. 

6. Bloating and other ailments. So, when I read the timeline, it said I would get bloated. Sure, why not? It said maybe I'd have some issues passing my food through my intestines. Sure, why not? But when Thursday and Friday rolled around,  I was rounder than a beach ball and no chance of anything escaping. It was irritating, not to mention uncomfortable. Three days later I can look back and be grateful for restrooms and a boyfriend that thinks farts are funny, but it took a minute, and I wasn't sure if I would make it out alive. Best part about that was that I wasn't hungry, LOL! 

7. Looking forward to... a glass of wine when this is over with.....alongside my sweet potatoes! 

Confession...

I never finish anything these days. 

You guys, it is incredibly frustrating. I never commit and finish ANYTHING. My big accomplishment is going to work every day. Let's be honest, that's not a huge thing to be proud of. Most adults actually go to work each day, even if they work when they get there. I'm one of those people that just has lost all sorts of drive I guess, and I need to find that spark that gets me back to who I used to be - the person I enjoy. 

I tried to do that 100 Happy Days project (something I haven't necessarily given up on - it's still a pipe dream) and I made it about 23 days. Woo, big deal. I post IG pictures every day anyway, and I couldn't even finish that? Pathetic.

I was going to yoga for a while. Loved it. Then I missed a day and never went back. I still don't understand why.  

I then decided I was going to do crossfit. I finished the elements class, but Dana and I have yet to go to an actual class because we are too scared to go hang out with all the ripped people in there. Fail. 

I don't even put my dishes in the dishwasher until the day after. Gross. I know that one is a more obvious, normal one, but bear with me. I'm trying to prove a point. 

The point is, if you don't know already, that I have a hard time getting things done. Today, after I realized that I'm just not comfortable in my own skin and with who I am right now, I decided that I have to commit to something in my personal life and stick to it. Something that is good for my health, something that might inspire me and challenge me. Something that I can be proud of that I actually finished. Cue music. 

I'm going to try and do the Whole30 for real this time.

Back in January, I started to do the Whole30 and I was real quiet about it because I didn't want to do it just to do it (same reason I didn't go to nursing school). I didn't want to be part of the crowd that was in it for the resolution (but believe me, I was). In September, I was working out a lot and actually starting to look pretty good - I was okay with what I looked like, what I felt like and knew when I was choosing to eat poorly.

Some days, I come home and I don't know what happens. I just want to eat everything. Although I've stopped baking as much to cut back on temptation, I'm still not doing the best I can and I'm making excuses for myself. I make excuses because I get lazy, and in between the hours of 7 and 9 pm, if I'm not sleeping, I'm looking longingly into my kitchen for something to snack on. Those of you that have been with me through my blogs know that it has been very challenging for me to have a positive relationship with food. I'm hoping, through these thirty days, that I can reset my system, think clearly, not wake up with migraines because I don't have an IV full of coffee, and that I can emerge as a butterfly. Tomorrow marks day 1, and I know it won't be a challenge probably until Tuesday, day 4. Stay tuned, readers. I'm determined to finish this bitch.