Hello, there!

Well, hello!

It is nice to see you back here, and to be honest, it is good to be in this space. I am currently fulfilling a bachelorette weekend, as the mister is out of town. Dinner consists of wine and whatever is in the fridge (whole foods brussels sprouts make the list here) and today was also tax-free shopping day!

...basically, the rest of the nation (looking at you, Oregon) has to have one day of tax free where other states get it all the time! I do not miss Oregon shopping and today I was reminded of home! I bought five pairs of shoes today for a collective $30, was able to get the rest of the gear I needed for our upcoming trip, and also treated myself to a jacket I've been lusting after for the past few months! All in all, it was a good trip.

So, the topic at hand today is probably a burning question in your mind. Here's the deal. It has been so long since I've put anything on paper I am just going to sum up the year as best as I can. After I do that, we will see where we are at.

I quit writing regularly after I quit Whole30. Life got in the way, I was busy, I didn't have anything of substance to write...the list of excuses goes on and on. I finally realized that I just have to bite the bullet and  move on. Count the past as past and keep going, as slow as it may be. Here I am, months later, writing about my life.

Let's start with January.
      In January, nothing of note happened that I remember. We had just returned from a trip to Vegas, demolition was starting on our house, and we were living in an apartment. The NBA season was rough, and we were down a million players at this point. Little did we know what a push it would be to get to the end. I was busy writing IEPs and the mister was busy slangin those contracts for the boys in blue we have grown to love. I regrew four orchids, attempted to love my job (failed), and started suffering from terrible migraines. January was a rough month! We were frustrated about our living situation (three months into paying a mortgage and rent), the basketball season, and our lack of THINGS that we had in our apartment. Who packs all the DVDs for storage and moves the DVD player into the apartment? We do.



February...
      In February, we celebrated a LOT of love! We had Valentine's Day (which was during the trade deadline, so M worked and I celebrated), and a week later we celebrated our anniversary. I got him these neat cufflinks of the coordinates of our first date: the Ambassador Hotel in Wichita, Kansas! I got flowers and gorgeous earrings and we had a beautiful dinner. We were still watching our team struggle through the regular season and our contractors renovate our house. Fortunately, I found some really great friends in my yoga community and was happy to drive the three minutes from our apartment to get my hour of balance on. That's the one thing I miss about our little apartment! I also interviewed with an organization I now work for here in OKC. I was greeted into the interview with a sense of hope and could not wait to get a call back!

March! 
       March brought a lot of change. Our house was looking pretty close to move-in ready, I joined the Junior League, and we were startled awake every morning by the construction across the street from our apartment. One day, it was 5:45am. I was so irate I called the guy in Texas to tell him to do something about the project he was managing. I was successful! I think M traveled a bit in March (I don't remember) and I was looking forward to the school year ending! We also ended the month close to a playoff bid - with the whole city sitting on the edge of their seats, it seemed. I got into grad school for social work, and it felt like the world was infinite.

April....

      April brought strep throat plus two ear infections, a week and a half in a hotel, moving into a new house that was unfinished, and a test to our relationship. I started the tattoo removal process, realized it hurt like childbirth, and we found that the Thunder did not make the playoffs. It was a quiet month in the grand scheme of things. Living amid a renovation taught us patience, communication and that we totally have different views on how to navigate the stress that comes with living in a construction site. We were sharing our house with our contractors until 11 some nights, and it was hard work. We were so grateful for the late nights, and at least now it is easier to look back fondly on the renovation. I received a call from the place I interviewed with in February, and was offered a job to teach pre-kindergarten to kids with cognitive and developmental delays. I immediately said yes! I also paid off my car over a year early! Wahoo!


May. May may may may mayyyyyy. School got out! Best month ever! But really, I enjoyed the fact that I never had to return to public school, and was looking forward to summer school before I transitioned to my new job. It was a relatively quiet month for us - with no playoffs, we watched the games at home, and hung out together for most of the nights, unpacking and figuring out how to navigate the dust that was all over the place while construction still happened. M's sister came to visit, and I got accosted by kids from my hometown - all in jest. I also read 100 Years of Solitude. Great read! I was also lucky enough to celebrate my year of health - a lot of you have been on this journey with me since the early days and I went a whole year without a relapse, which felt really great, and I have Whole30 to thank for starting me on the path to success.


June! My birthday month! In June, I obviously celebrated my birth (M made me dinner), practiced outdoor and indoor yoga, swam a ton in our pool, visited a brand new baby in the hospital, lived without internet, and started summer school. I also got to celebrate the birth of my sister! I loved June (always do), but this year was amazing because I wasn't moving for once, wasn't waiting to see what I was going to do about work, and I was ready to move on with my life! I love that feeling and it really was a great month. I met some new people and started to come into my own a year after being in the city. Knowing that we are going to be here for a minute or two longer is really helpful to my goals, and where I want to be, along with our long term plan for life. The draft happened, and I meticulously chose my players for the Thunder. Although none of mine got chosen (looking at you, Rakeem Christmas), I was a lot better at choosing potential players this year than I was the year before!

July...
In July I brought home a puppy, ended my contract with OKCPS, started my new job, booked a vacation (for next week!) and went to a blackberry festival in redneckville oklahoma. I got another laser removal and my feet blistered like crazy. July brought hope and peace into my life and a sense of purpose. Well, until I got strep throat for the second time in 3 months....







And now, it's August. It all happened so fast! We are heading to Colorado Springs in 8 days for a much needed vacation, I got one more laser removal under my belt (and my feet look like they went through a wood chipper), I still love my job and I've been reading and yoga-ing and working out like crazy. Finding a work balance has been the name of the game this month, and psh, 8 days in, I've mastered the art of juggling a 9-6 job, working out and finding time for ME.

Namaste, Friends! 

day 17 or bust.

I'm three days away from 20! That's weird, considering it felt like forever 8 days ago.

Today, I made dinner! It is technically "clean out yo fridge" week up in here, and my meals are getting a little wiggity-whack. Breakfast, per usual was a sweet potato/egg combo (and seriously, not going to show that since I eat out of tupperwares 90% of the day) that I inhaled when my students were eating breakfast. I will never be a slow eater. It's the curse of being a teacher - we eat in 10 minutes or less out of pure necessity. If it takes me 15 minutes to eat something, it must be really chewy. Note: I hate chewing. 

Lunch was chicken that I quickly just pan sauteed today while I was getting ready for work (before I was verbally assaulted by my loving neighbor) with a salad, the rest of my bacondates and some cherries.
I lost track of time in between 4 and 8, but I committed to eating dinner tonight. I realized that I don't really like eating dinner. I'd rather eat 2 big meals and a small snack at night than 3 meals. It's at least ... food for thought! hah! Pun intended. 

Anyway, for dinner I had...drumroll please....Trader Joe's pork belly, roasted asparagus, raw red pepper and butternut squash. Simple, easy, quick to make and delicious in my belly. Doesn't that look glorious? I can't imagine the things it would make me do with a fancy camera. This was too much goodness for one plate. I'm super full, and so happy that I finally sat down for a meal. I'm not sold on this whole dinner-as-a-meal business, but I'll look into it. I have some brussels sprouts that need attention by tomorrow or I'll have to throw them out.

Today's noteworthy moments:
I felt really good. No tiger blood, but I didn't nap after work! I am trying to wean myself off naps, but sometimes they are just too tempting. I also was able to curb my hunger and didn't snack between meals today. That's a big accomplishment so yay! See you tomorrow for day 18!

whoooaaaa, we're halfway there...

Sometimes, I do think I'm livin' on a prayer. 

But hey, all Jon Bon aside, today is the halfway point of the Whole30! I've made it fifteen whole days on this! Wahoo!! The rest has to be a cakewalk, right? Right. Let's recap the last few days.

Yesterday I was knocked on my ass by this sickness that I got last week...it. was. terrible. I knew I had been tired lately, and I just couldn't get motivated to work out or really get up in the mornings no matter how much I slept. After a couple weeks of this, combined with the beginning of Whole30, I put my body in some sort of shock that made it impossible to attack this sickness. After spending Sunday in bed, I feel a ton better. I ended up going to work today and by the end of the day I felt pretty good. Definitely the most bright eyed and bushy tailed that I've felt in a very long time. I'm excited to see what I feel like tomorrow morning.

Today I had an interesting day. I wasn't hungry for the majority of the day - breakfast (sweet potatoes and eggs) held me over until lunch (lettuce wraps + red pepper + apple + larabar) and I was sated until dinner (chicken asparagus stirfry + bacon wrapped dates + blueberries). But I just couldn't stop thinking about food. I wanted to eat all day. I can't figure out if its because I'm actually missing nutrients here or if I'm just replacing my energies in eating crap into eating the crappiest whole food I can find. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I know that this is a problem I'm trying to solve anyway. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. I just have to focus myself in the last 15 days to make great choices, continue on the path, and see where I'm at in 15 days. 

On a kind of related note, I made bacon wrapped dates today. OMG. so good. I can't get enough of these and I'm pretty sure I'm going to put myself into a coma eating all this goodness. All I did was cut bacon strips into thirds, pit my dates, and wrap them up! In the oven, 375 for 20 minutes (flip after ten) and the goodness comes out. If you haven't made them yet, please stop reading immediately and make these now. If you have, and you don't like them, I'm sorry, we can't be friends. They are in my fridge, calling my name, saying "eat me, eat me" and it's getting really hard to say no. Argh. Whole30 is really killing me. Who would have thought I wanted to eat bacondates 15 days ago? Not I. Not I. 

Confession...

I never finish anything these days. 

You guys, it is incredibly frustrating. I never commit and finish ANYTHING. My big accomplishment is going to work every day. Let's be honest, that's not a huge thing to be proud of. Most adults actually go to work each day, even if they work when they get there. I'm one of those people that just has lost all sorts of drive I guess, and I need to find that spark that gets me back to who I used to be - the person I enjoy. 

I tried to do that 100 Happy Days project (something I haven't necessarily given up on - it's still a pipe dream) and I made it about 23 days. Woo, big deal. I post IG pictures every day anyway, and I couldn't even finish that? Pathetic.

I was going to yoga for a while. Loved it. Then I missed a day and never went back. I still don't understand why.  

I then decided I was going to do crossfit. I finished the elements class, but Dana and I have yet to go to an actual class because we are too scared to go hang out with all the ripped people in there. Fail. 

I don't even put my dishes in the dishwasher until the day after. Gross. I know that one is a more obvious, normal one, but bear with me. I'm trying to prove a point. 

The point is, if you don't know already, that I have a hard time getting things done. Today, after I realized that I'm just not comfortable in my own skin and with who I am right now, I decided that I have to commit to something in my personal life and stick to it. Something that is good for my health, something that might inspire me and challenge me. Something that I can be proud of that I actually finished. Cue music. 

I'm going to try and do the Whole30 for real this time.

Back in January, I started to do the Whole30 and I was real quiet about it because I didn't want to do it just to do it (same reason I didn't go to nursing school). I didn't want to be part of the crowd that was in it for the resolution (but believe me, I was). In September, I was working out a lot and actually starting to look pretty good - I was okay with what I looked like, what I felt like and knew when I was choosing to eat poorly.

Some days, I come home and I don't know what happens. I just want to eat everything. Although I've stopped baking as much to cut back on temptation, I'm still not doing the best I can and I'm making excuses for myself. I make excuses because I get lazy, and in between the hours of 7 and 9 pm, if I'm not sleeping, I'm looking longingly into my kitchen for something to snack on. Those of you that have been with me through my blogs know that it has been very challenging for me to have a positive relationship with food. I'm hoping, through these thirty days, that I can reset my system, think clearly, not wake up with migraines because I don't have an IV full of coffee, and that I can emerge as a butterfly. Tomorrow marks day 1, and I know it won't be a challenge probably until Tuesday, day 4. Stay tuned, readers. I'm determined to finish this bitch.