procrastination is my middle name

Okay, it's been a bit of a minute since I've given you an update, readers!

There's been enormous change in my personal life, but nothing I want to share with you just yet, darlings. To deter speculation, I am not pregnant, engaged or otherwise planning a big surprise announcement; my apologies! Let's talk Whole30, shall we? I have so many interesting things to share (which probably won't interest you in the same way they interest me)! Feel free to skip to the part after this if you're interested in just my ...symptoms.

Okay, we left off on day 25. Five days left and I started to get antsy. It wasn't that I didn't want to eat Whole30, I was just sick of my options, hadn't been to the grocery store, and was totally living the motto "failing to plan is planning to fail." I was close. Regardless, I pushed through. Let's do a quick recap of the last five days and then a recap of what happened in my POST W30 mess.

Day 26 - July 4. 
Happy Independence Day! M had to work so it wasn't a temptation for drinking and what not. We went to our fave restaurant  for dinner and called it a day. I had a delicious kale and pomegranate salad and we ate mussels. Easy peasy.

Day 27 - July 5. 
I got on a plane and went to Portland, Oregon. Larabars, raw sweet potatoes and kombucha, oh my! Life was good, easy, and my wonderful sister took me to Trader Joe's to buy groceries. We ate steak and grilled peppers for dinner, and I tried my hand at prosciutto wrapped figs. #delicious. 

Picture for extra effect - and so you keep reading. 

Follow my instagram to see these firsthand! @sadienewell


Day 28 - July 6
Lindsay and I spent another wonderful day together, ate another wonderful meal together from the grill, and watched a TON of catfish. YOU GUYS, I'm obsessed with that show! She took me on a walk where I pretended to hate it and not want to walk (which I didn't, so I guess I wasn't pretending) but I did get to see some amazing views. Portland is probably the prettiest city in the world. I say this with the most biased tone ever! Portland is wonderful - where else can you find parks down a CITY STREET with trees this amazing?

This was seriously a quarter mile from Lindsay's house, and the trail we walked went on for at least a mile. It is gorgeous and I am so happy she drug me along! I had a wonderful summery time!


Day 29 - July 7 
Homeward bound. I went back to where it all began: Long Beach, Washington. The place where dreams are made of. The place that makes me who I am, where everything makes sense and I feel peace in my heart. Where anxiety fades and I am surrounded by the people that I love and adore. This trip was hard for a few reasons - namely, all my friends are doing really amazing things with their lives and I am not. I feel like I am unremarkable, and that I need to do more. I'm working on this, but that's a blog for another day. I went home and after debriefing my dad and his lady about this Whole30, they were intrigued and supportive of my choice! We had fresh (and I'm talking, came off my dad's boat and into my mouth in the same day fresh) salmon with asparagus. Delicious. That's my dad. I get my good looks from him, obviously.

Day 30: July 8
It was a day like any other... but no, really, it was. I made my signature breakfast (sweet potatoes and eggs) and totally added salmon. I thought about the things I wanted for the following day. Cream in my coffee, a glass of wine, maybe a chocolate something. But what happened was much worse in a few ways, much better in a few others. This doesn't make much sense right now but I can't tell you until I tell you what happened in my post whole30 glow!

My last breakfast. It was delicious. Salmon is so different when it tastes like butter, and feels like Jesus wrapped you in a hug. I seriously swear I felt sunshine in my belly.

Let's talk about the next part, the ... fallout. 

I'm not one for self-hate these days, but I can really be an idiot sometimes. I read the reintroduction chapter of It Starts With Food. I knew what I had to do. I knew to only do things one at a time, a day between....I knew I shouldn't do whatever I wanted. 

It may be important to tell you I'm a gemini right about now. This is what happened. 

Day One of Poor Life Choices. 

I went to a bar with Madeline. THIS GIRL AND HER BARS. Literally, if you don't want to be irresponsible and drink a ton, don't go anywhere with this girl. She also has a much higher tolerance than me on a regular day, and then add to that my lower-than-normal tolerance and we are all sorts of screwed. Well, I was. At least I looked cute. 

My head also looks much too big for my body. This is something that happened to me years ago. Like, when I was 14. 

This had vodka in it. High fives to the bartender, Eric, ensued. Also names for the local clientele ensued. Sadie was back on the town (and had no idea what was about to happen to her body). 

I woke up the next day feeling LIKE HELL. I had what, 3 drinks over a 6 hour period? I wasn't hungover, let me make that clear. I wasn't vomity, sweaty, unreachable. I was just uncomfortable. My stomach was cramping, I felt like I got ran over, and I was really uncomfortable. Note: not a hangover! Just icky, icky contractions of food and alcohol digesting. If this is what labor feels like, count me out. 

Day Two of Poor Life Choices:

Martinis with my sixth grade literature teacher (no lie), a pseudo-bachelorette party where the apps were delicious, and the rose was sweet. We had shrimp curry and I was very excited to eat rice. In my brain it was a wonderful idea. 

I had zero foods of nutritional value (no, wait, we did go to Walgreens and I found some approved nuts and fruit) and the next day I wanted to die. 

Labor pains is what I'm deeming these feelings. Labor pains forever. 

But wait, I continued. Because apparently I have a deathwish. 

Day Three of Poor Life Choices:

I. Ate. This. A sandwhich. With cream cheese. Cheese. Raisins. Pineapples. Apples. Turkey. Lettuce. And LOTS OF BREAD. 

I felt terrible. And of course I ate the whole thing, which was probably 800 MILLION calories. I was so full and labor pain-ey that I had to lie down in a public place. I'm an embarassment to society. 

These were the highlights of my poor choices. I felt terrible. 

Needless to say, my hey day is over, and although I'm incorporating some more paleo foods and less whole30 foods, I already feel better. Just fantastic! 

I also don't think it's a coincidence that I totally broke out as soon as I stopped eating unprocessed foods. YOU GUYS. IM OVER IT. Homemade LaraBars, dates, and other foods, get in my belly! 

Thank you, readers, for reading my thoughts through this journey. Now that I'm done, I don't know what this blog will turn into, but I'm willing to find out. It won't be over, and it may be where I document my 30 days of something else. I did find that through this, I became more. More aware, happier, more confident. 

Would I recommend this to someone? Absolutely, yes, without a doubt. If you have food issues, unresolved or resolved, looking for a way to get a healthier handle on life, yes. Yes, yes yes yes yes. 

day 17 or bust.

I'm three days away from 20! That's weird, considering it felt like forever 8 days ago.

Today, I made dinner! It is technically "clean out yo fridge" week up in here, and my meals are getting a little wiggity-whack. Breakfast, per usual was a sweet potato/egg combo (and seriously, not going to show that since I eat out of tupperwares 90% of the day) that I inhaled when my students were eating breakfast. I will never be a slow eater. It's the curse of being a teacher - we eat in 10 minutes or less out of pure necessity. If it takes me 15 minutes to eat something, it must be really chewy. Note: I hate chewing. 

Lunch was chicken that I quickly just pan sauteed today while I was getting ready for work (before I was verbally assaulted by my loving neighbor) with a salad, the rest of my bacondates and some cherries.
I lost track of time in between 4 and 8, but I committed to eating dinner tonight. I realized that I don't really like eating dinner. I'd rather eat 2 big meals and a small snack at night than 3 meals. It's at least ... food for thought! hah! Pun intended. 

Anyway, for dinner I had...drumroll please....Trader Joe's pork belly, roasted asparagus, raw red pepper and butternut squash. Simple, easy, quick to make and delicious in my belly. Doesn't that look glorious? I can't imagine the things it would make me do with a fancy camera. This was too much goodness for one plate. I'm super full, and so happy that I finally sat down for a meal. I'm not sold on this whole dinner-as-a-meal business, but I'll look into it. I have some brussels sprouts that need attention by tomorrow or I'll have to throw them out.

Today's noteworthy moments:
I felt really good. No tiger blood, but I didn't nap after work! I am trying to wean myself off naps, but sometimes they are just too tempting. I also was able to curb my hunger and didn't snack between meals today. That's a big accomplishment so yay! See you tomorrow for day 18!

whoooaaaa, we're halfway there...

Sometimes, I do think I'm livin' on a prayer. 

But hey, all Jon Bon aside, today is the halfway point of the Whole30! I've made it fifteen whole days on this! Wahoo!! The rest has to be a cakewalk, right? Right. Let's recap the last few days.

Yesterday I was knocked on my ass by this sickness that I got last week...it. was. terrible. I knew I had been tired lately, and I just couldn't get motivated to work out or really get up in the mornings no matter how much I slept. After a couple weeks of this, combined with the beginning of Whole30, I put my body in some sort of shock that made it impossible to attack this sickness. After spending Sunday in bed, I feel a ton better. I ended up going to work today and by the end of the day I felt pretty good. Definitely the most bright eyed and bushy tailed that I've felt in a very long time. I'm excited to see what I feel like tomorrow morning.

Today I had an interesting day. I wasn't hungry for the majority of the day - breakfast (sweet potatoes and eggs) held me over until lunch (lettuce wraps + red pepper + apple + larabar) and I was sated until dinner (chicken asparagus stirfry + bacon wrapped dates + blueberries). But I just couldn't stop thinking about food. I wanted to eat all day. I can't figure out if its because I'm actually missing nutrients here or if I'm just replacing my energies in eating crap into eating the crappiest whole food I can find. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I know that this is a problem I'm trying to solve anyway. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. I just have to focus myself in the last 15 days to make great choices, continue on the path, and see where I'm at in 15 days. 

On a kind of related note, I made bacon wrapped dates today. OMG. so good. I can't get enough of these and I'm pretty sure I'm going to put myself into a coma eating all this goodness. All I did was cut bacon strips into thirds, pit my dates, and wrap them up! In the oven, 375 for 20 minutes (flip after ten) and the goodness comes out. If you haven't made them yet, please stop reading immediately and make these now. If you have, and you don't like them, I'm sorry, we can't be friends. They are in my fridge, calling my name, saying "eat me, eat me" and it's getting really hard to say no. Argh. Whole30 is really killing me. Who would have thought I wanted to eat bacondates 15 days ago? Not I. Not I. 

13? Already?

This can't be right! Have I already arrived at and completed Day 13? 

Why yes, dear readers, I have. 

Here I am, alive and ready to tell today's tale. It starts with a young twenty something (six) year old opening her eyes at 6:50, deciding it was too much work to get up and promptly rolling over. 

It starts, yet again, at 10:30 (much more appropriate for a Saturday) when I open my eyes for the second time. I roll over, go to rub my eyes and feel like I got punched in the left one.  My throat feels like I've swallowed nails, my body aches and I can't tell if I'm hot or cold - just that I'm not well. Being sick is the worst, and I'm almost positive I don't have strep, but a weird strand of the common cold. Rude. 

I digress. Besides dealing with THAT, I'm also trying to move into a different apartment in a week, and trying to be proactive about packing. This means that I need to start the process YESTERDAY to be ready to move next weekend. Am I ready? No. This sickness has brought down every ounce of will I ever had to be a productive human being. At least I will now rest easy knowing that I will, yet again, look like a fool on moving day. Maybe inspiration will strike and I'll get all my moving done during the week..or maybe I'll continue napping and forget about that plan altogether. Time will tell, so stay tuned. 

Anyway, I feel super under the weather today. I hardly have the energy to move from bed to couch, and my eyes are tired and droopy. Against better judgment, I tried to push through it most the morning. You know where that got me? On the couch, exhausted and tired at 2 pm. Not even worth it. In the process of pushing through my sickness, I wandered around my apartment trying to figure out where exactly to get started when it came to packing. My goal is to pack most things I won't need all week, so when the time comes, all I have to do is pack up the last little pieces and call it good. This is the HOPE and GOAL. I did manage to pack up all of my cupboards minus my pyrex dishes and tupperware in my kitchen today which is a huge accomplishment. 

If you've spent any time with me ever, you know that the best place to find me is either in bed napping or in my kitchen. I posted this on instagram today, after realizing what exactly I had to pack - apparently my baking has been put on hold while I finish this W30. Fine with me, but I do miss finding ways to make my kitchen come alive in the interim. Sweet potatoes only excite me for so long. I couldn't believe that just 4 things of sugar and 3 things of flour was 30 pounds of pure nothing. Pure nothing that I would willingly make into something else before I started this process. I'm not saying that after W30 I plan to never bake again, but after realizing that most things we need are whole foods, I don't plan on buying any more flour or sugar that isn't...enriched, bleached, etc. End rant. Now just to perfect my pinterest pages until I run out of these ingredients! I need guinea pigs! Willing volunteers, please let me know. :]

Nothing new on the W30 front today - just hanging out, forcing myself to eat and drink a ton of water. We will see what happens in the back half of the W30! Hoping for some positive change in the next few weeks. Also looking forward to that glass of wine on day 31. 

orange is the new black.

Do you think if I eat too many sweet potatoes, I'll turn orange like people do with carrots? 

I hope not. 

This post has nothing to do with the TV show..sorry in advance. But since I got you here, please, keep reading! Let's have a real-life chat about Whole30. Let's just go there, and do it. 

Let's start at the timeline and see where the winds take us. Please keep in mind that I'm quarantined for the next 24 hours as I really DO have strep throat and I have talked to almost everyone I can possibly think of that will text or call me back. So...timeline, Day 12.

Days 12-15: Boundless energy! Now give me a damn Twinkie.

Hurray! The slump is over! Your pants fit again! Your energy levels are better than normal – you’re downright Tigger the bouncing tiger! But something weird is happening. You’re dreaming. Not crazy nightmare or strange surrealist dreams, either. Incredibly normal and realistic dreams – about donuts. Or Twinkies. Or Snickers.* In your mind, sometimes you get caught and feel guilty. Sometimes you just brazenly eat the contraband. But then, the feelings start following you into the waking hours. Suddenly, you’re craving things you don’t even like. (For me, it’s Diet Coke and Twinkies, for Melissa Hartwig, it was fast-food cheeseburgers!) Your co-workers’ heads transform into giant Girl Scout Cookies as you gaze on in disbelief. Seriously, you’ve almost hit the halfway mark, and now this?!

All joking aside, though, this phase gets really intense and for some people. This is the part of the program where our minds try to drive us back to the comfort of the foods we used to know. Our food relationships are deeply rooted and strongly reinforced throughout the course of our lives and breaking through them is really big deal. Journaling can be especially enlightening and helpful during this phase, and helpful for reflection later. Take some time to jot down what you’re craving, how you’re feeling and what tools you’re using to work through the cravings.

- See more here!

Okay people. I've had the cravings, I've had the dreams. None of that is happening right now. I've neglected to put on pants for fear that nothing has happened to me so I can't tell you if those fit or not. I have strep throat, so my energy levels are less than 12, and I haven't worked out on Whole30 because I've been so exhausted. It's actually been, a PHYSICAL nightmare more than emotional.  Don't get me wrong, I'm emotionally attached to food, but I find that emotional detachment works with whatever you apply it to. In this case, I applied it to the foods I liked and I figured out a way to not miss them so much. I still have Gatorade in my fridge, along with Dijon mustard, beer (thanks, Lindsay) and various wines, but I haven't thought of opening them, downing them, or found myself wandering to the kitchen while I should be sleeping. To be frank, I feel adjusted more or less. 

What concerns me is the lack of physical benefits I'm noticing. Since I haven't put on pants it kind of is hard to tell, but I don't think things are fitting better, and I got weighed at the doctors office and the scale hasn't budged (and don't tell me that the scale isn't the be all end all. Old habits die hard). I'm mad. I'm not sleeping better except for that one day which proved to be an anomaly, I don't feel better and I just feel like now I'm stuck in this weird food rut which is only changed from my regular food ruts by about four things. I just can't win. I know I'll feel better and less defeated in a few days, but I would really like to know when I start to feel amazing, start to feel awesome. I'd like to mention here that this is more than a weight thing-  I've been reading a lot of blogs and it seems like everyone is like, "my skin is clear! I am so full of energy! I love my life!" Umm I haven't cheated ONE TIME and I feel like hell, my skin never looked gross and I have zero energy and spend a lot of time napping. Someone please problem solve my life for me. 

Right now, it would be very easy to quit Whole30 and never look back; say it never worked for me. I can't rightfully do that until I go through the whole thing so....18 days to go. 

ho hum. day 11.

It's naptime again, and today I forgot my book. Feel free to stop reading now! But seriously, I've gotten a lot of feedback from you, readers, and I am humbled that you take the time to read about my life and my adventures with Whole30. I appreciate each and every one of you! Today has been a wonderful day when it comes to my personal life and goals, but when it comes to Whole30, I'm definitely in the rut. Let's start with the timeline, shall we?

Days 10-11: The Hardest Days.
Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11. By this point, the newness of the program has worn off. You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises. You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.”  Everywhere you look, you see the things you “can’t” have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler. Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as “they” all say it is.
You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.
This is where you really start to experience the psychological hold that your food habits have on you. You’ve put in a lot of effort to get to where you are right now, but you’re still waiting for the results you’re hoping to see. Your  brain tells you that you deserve some kind of reward (don’t you?) and, of course, we’ve been conditioned to think of food as the best reward out there. Right now, you’re craving that ice cream, beer, or whatever treat you think would make for just the right reward. But, instead of that treat, you’re standing face to face with the realization that you have 20 more days of deprivation ahead of you.
The key here is to redefine your idea of reward.  Think long and hard about the foods you’re grieving and ask yourself what need you’re expecting them to fulfill.  Are you feeling anxious and looking for reassurance?  Are you feeling sad, and looking for something to cheer you up? Are you worried you won’t successfully finish the program, and it’s easier to self-sabotage than fail? Remind yourself that food cannot fill that void for you—cannot make you feel truly accomplished, comforted, calm, happy, beautiful. Then, find another way to fill that need that does not involve those foods. Prepare yourselves for these days, knowing that all you have to do is see them through to the other side before things get much, much easier.
- See more here!

I am pretty sure I yelled at one of my wonderful coworkers after finding a chocolate bar (skinny cow chocolate plus caramel yummmm) in her lunchbox- and yesterday I had sweet potatoes and eggs for breakfast AND dinner. Namely,  I love sweet potatoes, but also because I'm bored with my food choices. I haven't really had any weird food dreams lately, which is nice, but I do find myself just wanting to eat a ton. I am hungry, and I'm not sure if it's because my body is adapting or because I just psychologically want. to. eat. Time will tell, I suppose! I also want a taco. I don't generally like tacos. I blame my chocolate eating coworker, who brought taco salad today (you know who you are...)! 

I'm not craving anything, but I am hungry. I also woke up with a sore throat after not feeling rested this morning. We will see what's going on in the coming days, but so far, I'm holding on strong! ....I'm still waiting for the magic to happen. 


afternoon update on sore throat: almost positive I have strep. Hydrogen peroxide and my couch have been my very best friends. I'd go to the doctor, but who needs modern medicine? I'm not broken! 

PS, I'm trying to be better about pictures, I swear! 

ONE THIRD!!

You guys, as I sit here, in the throes of day 10, my mind is blown. 

Not only have I actually made it 10 days without cheating, stopping, or getting bored of the foods I'm eating, I've (dare I say?) enjoyed the mental challenge this has made me face. Yesterday was TOUGH. Actually, the last 2 days were tough. I left you at the end of day 8 with a blog about how I couldn't sleep enough. 

Two hours later, I was wondering if I would ever sleep again. I guess my nap was so hardcore that my body decided that it would wait until about 2 am to fall back asleep. Although I was exhausted yesterday, I held out on napping after work, and instead started getting my life in order: cleaning my kitchen, sorting my laundry, etc. Ah, it felt good to be productive! I went to bed last night, read a little in Harry Potter, then passed out. I slept, without waking up, until 5:58 this morning and felt like a brand. new. person. 

I'm too pessimistic to say that the exhaustion is over, but dang, did it feel good to wake up without any aches and pains or tired eyes. The next step is (according to the timeline) the hardest to get over. For the next three days the timeline assumes that I will want to quit. Can I just say, right now, that last night I passed the time by googling Whole30 Failure? Yes, it was helpful in keeping my mind off the no-no cupboard I have, but at the same time, I felt the urge to have a glass of wine, or juice, or anything that wasn't water. Unfortunately for my taste buds, and fortunately for me, I refrained and went to bed instead. I woke up feeling great today, so I'm going to take it as a win! 

Today I'm meeting some out-of-town friends that I haven't seen since their wedding last summer. I am hoping to stay strong and not do anything that kills my hard work - because trust me, this is hard work - but I know in the end it is just up to me to say no.  

Brownies, Wine, and Candy, oh my.

 20 days to go! 

The Dirty Thirty

Besides coming up with clever names for the Whole30, what am I doing? Ummm, dreaming about food. Thank you for asking. 

You guys. I'm so tired. I haven't worked out (is this normal then? Do I need to start pumping some iron?) and I can't even make it through the DAY without a nap. I teach the little ones in the morning and by the time I get home I'm so tired I could just go to bed outright. Does this go away? PLEASE say yes. I should try to work out. I bet I'd fit into this stupid dress (no offense Mad, the cause is not stupid, but the dress is) if I just you know, exercised for a second. Alas, I think I might need a bed WEEK if I do any sort of physical activity. I napped for three hours after school today. I'm still so tired I could go to bed! 

On a completely different note, can I just thank the maker of Larabars personally?! Not only are they delicious, Whole30 approved and actually made with things that expire, I love the price. I went to Target today and found all the boxes on sale! Win! 

I'm afraid to put on pants. I don't know if I'm past the bloating stage yet, or I'm just living there, so I refuse to put pants on. Seems legit, right? I an't figure out what exactly I'm in stage-wise. Today, day 8, says...

Day 8-9: For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER.

You’ve made it through the Hangover, and managed not to kill ALL the things, and you’re starting to feel like things are back on level ground again.  Then, you put on your pants. They’re just pants, completely normal pants. In fact, they’re the pants you wore just three days ago. (You were too tired to wash them. It’s okay, we understand.) And three days ago, they fit.  But this morning you had to take a big deep breath to get that button where it ought to be.  What gives?!

The same processes that ran over you like a truck a few days ago are still working their magic in your body.  Your body composition is not actually changing for the worse, we assure you. The enzymes that digest your food and the millions of bacteria that live in your gut are adjusting to your new intake of meat and vegetables, and the lack of easy-access sugars.  This is something they do naturally, and these adjustments have contributed to humanity’s ability to flourish throughout our history.  However, these adjustments can be a bit… uncomfortable. Bloating, constipation, diarrhea, or all three may appear as your gut starts to heal, rebalance, and process this new food effectively. The good news is that most people find this phase passes relatively quickly, and their pants are easy to button again within a week or so.

- See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.PlqswJIu.dpuf

But...but this was me already! Wait, I just realized that the phase before this is called "I Just Want a Nap" so maybe I am on track. Apparently I won't get my energy back for another, oh, 8 days. Yay me. Until then, you'll find me complaining about how exhausted I am. Kthx. 

There is something, though, that I find very interesting about this. 

I don't care if you never read my blog again, listen here and now. I'm going to tell you to listen like the kid that wants cupcakes.  Seriously, future lawyer.  I am a forever calorie-tracker. They say to not track calories or weigh yourself in your endeavors with Whole30 (sorry, to get in my shower I have to get on the scale); that you know, you're changing your body from the inside so it may not be accurate, etc etc. I believe that, and I've made an effort to not really delve or think much of it while my body sorts itself out. I was, however, curious about how many calories I've eaten on average. I used to eat around 800 a day, exercise and call it good. I never got abs, never felt good about my body, and although I'm not working out now and I'm bloated as eff, I feel better about what and how I'm eating. No lemonheads and wine dinners for this girl anymore. 

Anyway, I plugged in my meals today into livestrong myplate, and something very interesting happened. Just by listening to my body, making sure my plate had on it the things I was feeling like eating (within reason), I hit all my former calorie goals AND fell in the right percentages. I used to beat myself up about needing 6% more protein, less carbs and 2% more fat....now, it seems to come naturally with what I'm eating and that makes me a VERY happy girl. If you haven't started Whole30 yet, do it now. This instant! 

Today's Meals:

1: Sweet Potato, 2 eggs

2: faux-ghetti (zoodles) with chicken sausage and marinara, apple (found that this does NOT hold me over until dinner. not one bit!) 

3. asparagus (roasted), zoodles w. onion (sauteed) and lamb leg with a side of blueberries and raspberries

--because Meal 2 was too small (about 200 calories less than 1 and 3) I ended up eating like a heathen in my car after the grocery store. Snack of choice? Larabar. Although it was a snack, it was still a win! 

Confession...

I never finish anything these days. 

You guys, it is incredibly frustrating. I never commit and finish ANYTHING. My big accomplishment is going to work every day. Let's be honest, that's not a huge thing to be proud of. Most adults actually go to work each day, even if they work when they get there. I'm one of those people that just has lost all sorts of drive I guess, and I need to find that spark that gets me back to who I used to be - the person I enjoy. 

I tried to do that 100 Happy Days project (something I haven't necessarily given up on - it's still a pipe dream) and I made it about 23 days. Woo, big deal. I post IG pictures every day anyway, and I couldn't even finish that? Pathetic.

I was going to yoga for a while. Loved it. Then I missed a day and never went back. I still don't understand why.  

I then decided I was going to do crossfit. I finished the elements class, but Dana and I have yet to go to an actual class because we are too scared to go hang out with all the ripped people in there. Fail. 

I don't even put my dishes in the dishwasher until the day after. Gross. I know that one is a more obvious, normal one, but bear with me. I'm trying to prove a point. 

The point is, if you don't know already, that I have a hard time getting things done. Today, after I realized that I'm just not comfortable in my own skin and with who I am right now, I decided that I have to commit to something in my personal life and stick to it. Something that is good for my health, something that might inspire me and challenge me. Something that I can be proud of that I actually finished. Cue music. 

I'm going to try and do the Whole30 for real this time.

Back in January, I started to do the Whole30 and I was real quiet about it because I didn't want to do it just to do it (same reason I didn't go to nursing school). I didn't want to be part of the crowd that was in it for the resolution (but believe me, I was). In September, I was working out a lot and actually starting to look pretty good - I was okay with what I looked like, what I felt like and knew when I was choosing to eat poorly.

Some days, I come home and I don't know what happens. I just want to eat everything. Although I've stopped baking as much to cut back on temptation, I'm still not doing the best I can and I'm making excuses for myself. I make excuses because I get lazy, and in between the hours of 7 and 9 pm, if I'm not sleeping, I'm looking longingly into my kitchen for something to snack on. Those of you that have been with me through my blogs know that it has been very challenging for me to have a positive relationship with food. I'm hoping, through these thirty days, that I can reset my system, think clearly, not wake up with migraines because I don't have an IV full of coffee, and that I can emerge as a butterfly. Tomorrow marks day 1, and I know it won't be a challenge probably until Tuesday, day 4. Stay tuned, readers. I'm determined to finish this bitch. 

mayday, mayday..

Thursday, May 1

Today's Happy Day: kiddie yoga

Days Left: 80

Today was a DAY. I'm talking, one of those days where you just look at kids and think, "what on EARTH has gotten into you?"nIt seemed like no matter what happened, I couldn't redirect my students, get their full attention or make sure they were doing their best. It is incredibly frustrating, and it leaves me exhausted by 3:15 when they get on the bus. Combine this with our state testing this week, and no one is thrilled. 

Alas, this challenge was meant to find happiness in all states of being, so my happy moment today was the last fifteen minutes of school. My students read a book on this little girl that does yoga for literacy today. In an effort to be a more balanced teacher, I wanted to let the kids experience what yoga was and how it challenged mind and bodies. 

Thank goodness for youtube, that's all I have to say. Some girl dressed in a onesie took my kids through 15 minutes of yoga today, and it was so fun to watch them. They got really into it, made funny faces and noises, and I was able to take all my stress from the day and remind myself why I teach. The days where kids throw fits, and crumple up papers, kick garbage cans, yell at you because you won't let them color....all of that goes away when you see them smile, laugh, and experience something new. Happy mayday, friends!

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday!

Wednesday through Sunday, here we go! I will be all caught up, and ready for another week of happiness! 

Wednesday, April 23

Today's Happy Day: Panda on Vacation

Days Left: 88

 

Panda got to have a mini-vacation when he stayed behind with my sister in Washington - he begged me to stay with her and have a vacation. I told him fine, on one condition: that he does his chores and he follows all of Lindsay's directions. 

So what do I get? A photo of him having a lie-in! He did not fold his laundry, did not unload the dishwasher, and DID NOT follow directions. See that frown? He's sad because I told him he couldn't go to the NASCAR race if the debauchery continues. Someone thinks he's entitled. 

Anyway, Panda is kind of a big deal in my family. He goes everywhere, and we pretend he's real. He takes great selfies!

Thursday, April 24

Today's Happy Day: Cat in a Box

Days Left: 87

I flew back from Dallas on United, with a big old box of prescription drugs. I had a note from a doctor on a prescription pad that told me not to check this box. I had to carry it on. Unfortunately, the box didn't really fit under the seat. The flight attendant was nice and said that she would let it slide, but I was determined for it to fit under the seat. 

After a 2 hour flight and a bumpy landing, the older gentleman I was sitting next to turned to me with a quizzical look on his face. I waited, and had to fight the urge to laugh when he asked me an interesting question: "Is your cat okay in there?" 

...I said yes. What else what I was supposed to say? This box was beat up, taped together with no air holes. If he thought a cat lived there, then so be it. 

Friday, April 25

Today's Happy Day: A Hint of Yellow

Days Left: 86

I'm breaking in these shoes for my friend Madeline's wedding, and with that comes the planning of outfits that involve yellow! 

We went outside for the first time in a long time on Friday, and my students were very excited to see that the flowers matched my shoes. They laughed and shouted, "Miss Newell! Miss Newell! Your shoes match the flowers!" 

Indeed. A bright spot in my dull, dull, Friday. After exhaustion, tireless students and one thing after another, it was nice to sit and watch my kiddos at recess. 

Saturday, April 26

Today's Happy Day: FaceTime.

Days Left: 85 

Dating a guy 5 hours away is hard enough, but when we get to see each other every weekend when we are super lucky, and every two weeks on a regular basis, there is a definite lack of, well, facetime. When we both work long hours, we have to rely on texts and the knowledge that we are both thinking about each other. 

Nights like last night, we got to FaceTime and watch the Thunder game together. I love watching basketball with M. He is so analytical where I'm over there like "oh wow, his ears are so small!" I'm sure he gets fed up with all my questions, or lack of knowledge I have on the sport already, but he is patient, kind and is willing to answer even my silliest question. 

Dear iPhone, you make long-distance relationships so much easier. Love, Sadie.

Sunday, FINALLY! April 27

Today's Happy Day: Dutch Babies

Days Left: 84

Not too long ago, my sister and my dad went down to my hometown to clean out my grandmother's house. It was time to put her in a home, and it was up to them to clean out her house before they could put it on the market. Both Lindsay and my dad asked if there was anything I wanted out of the house. I can honestly say that I hadn't been in there for so long I couldn't begin to request something. I told them that there wasn't anything in particular but I did want a small keepsake, like a china cup. 

Not only did my sister surprise me with three difference china bowls and cups, but she also handed over my grandmother's cast iron pan! For those of you that don't know, cast iron pans are like GOLD and best handed down - that way, they are seasoned and have a lot of history. Of course, my first thing to make was a Dutch Baby - a breakfast staple growing up, and something I have been missing dearly! 

Stay tuned this week for my next 7 posts - can't wait to see you on the happier side of life! 

Catchin' Up...

Seriously, this may be the busiest I've been in a while. A week ago today, I was flying home from Washington, where M and I spent time with my family. We got some really good quality time in from Friday to Sunday, and flew back late in the evening. The following morning I was up and at 'em, ready to teach. Wednesday night I flew out to Dallas and back on Thursday afternoon, where I then taught Friday. Pair this with long hours, poor nutrition and all other female things you can think of; by the time Friday night rolled around, I was ready for bed. 

Imagine my delight when the complex next to me decided to bust out their R&B mash-ups until 2 am. I was so angry! I had been looking forward to snuggling down in my duvet for the longest time, and by the time I had finally gotten there, it had been spoiled with the noise from next door. Needless to say, I spent all of yesterday sleeping. I'm still tired from last week, and it's a question of ever being able to catch up! 

So, let's catch up here, so this week can run smoothly. 

Friday, April 18

Today's Happy Day: Hunkalicious M

Days Left: 93 

M was gracious enough to come out to Washington to meet my mom before she passes. It was incredibly humbling, gratifying and special having him by my side on this trip. It meant so much to me that they met each other, and neither one questioned the prospect once. You know, I am incredibly lucky, and FEEL incredibly lucky, to have someone in my life that really wants what is best for me. He is articulate, pensive, intelligent and all the right things. He makes me feel like a million bucks, and I love that! 

Please keep in mind that this will be one of the only times you see a photo of us and our life on any sort of social platform. Due to his requests to keep our relationship off social media, our story is not one I plan on telling, not on here. Live it up while you can! 

Saturday, April 19

Today's Happy Day: Panda Goes Out

Days Left: 92

On Saturday, when we were hanging out in Spokane, Washington (the Italy of the PNW?) we had a wonderful dinner with Panda and Lindsay. We went to the Italian Kitchen and ate family style. We were stuffed and Panda was all about the leftovers. 

He also was into photobombing. Silly Panda. 

Anyway, despite the cold weather it was nice to break bread with Lindsay and M, have time to relax, laugh and reconnect. There is something about family that just soothes the soul and repairs all things in the world. Seeing my big sister was just what I needed to really finish out the year. BONUS: I get to see her again for a NASCAR race in just a few weeks! Actually, in a matter of days at this point! 

Sunday, April 20

Today's Happy Day: Sisterly Love

Days Left: 91

Meet my sister, Lindsay! 

She's my best friend, my confidante, and the most selfless person in the world. She has been the world's most wonderful sister, and someone that definitely keeps me sane. 

Like I said, family soothes my soul. I am so glad that we made this trip happen and that we got to see each other. This year was the first year we have seen one another more than once and it has been such a treat! I miss her so much and was very thankful for the time we got to spend together! 

This has been the best few days of my life. I just really like finding the happiness inside the mundane, or the silver lining in any cloud. 

hey, beyonce!

Today's Happy Moment is brought to you by Miss Sam Poelker's door decoration, and my beautiful sister, Lindsay.

Last week, when we were in Washington, M and I were talking to Lindsay about living in a trailer park and managing it for us. Big money in trailer parks, you see. She convinced us of a lot of things then, but my favorite was when she was discussing the finer points of living in what she calls a "fly trailer." Sidenote, my sister is not trashy and does not currently live in a park, but she's a badass that could definitely handle the clientele. Lindsay informed M and I that she would have the best trailer - one that was so flossy that when Beyonce came for tea, she would say, "Girl, your trailer is so fly!" 

I've never heard anything like it. Imagine my surprise, then, when I got close to Sam's fraction leprechauns that she had her class make. Of course, I couldn't help myself and had to text Lindsay a picture asking if this particular Beyonce would be invited for tea in her Tennessee Trailer. 

Today's Happy Day: Beyonce.

Days Left: 89

hoggin' up the road with my p-p-p-p-plower...

Today's Happy Moment truly made me laugh. It, again, was hard to choose. I had a wonderful day with my students, and we talked a lot about expectations in third grade. For some reason, they just love running down the hallway. It is INCREDIBLY frustrating. Regardless, we deal with it and move on.

Now, this afternoon I was really trying to get myself to the grocery store to make sure I was ready for the week and have a healthy plan in place (seriously, bikini season is coming and I am NOT READY). On my way there, I notice this guy just driving along the road on his LAWNMOWER. People, come on, this isn't something you see every day, not even in Kansas, but seriously, you could use the sidewalk and stop holding up the general public. What do I know, I don't own one!

Anyway, here's today's Happy Moment - feel free to check back for the weekend update!

Today's Happy Day: Man on a Mower

Days Left: 90! 

let me take a selfieeeee

Well, the time has come where I've displayed my love of the selfie. Embarrassed? Nahhh, it's all in a days work. 

Today's 100 Happy Days moment is brought to you by Starbucks, the most influential establishment when it comes to my teaching career. I need caffeine.. I NEED CAFFEINE. With Pajama Day being tomorrow...I may need DOUBLE caffeine to function. 

Either way, who doesn't love an americano before 7 am? I definitely do. 

Today's Happy Day: The Starbucks Selfie

Days Left: 95

View Instagram here, or add me @sadienewell!

baby beluga and the deep blue sea

Well, hello, and welcome to my newest installment of the #100HappyDays Challenge. 

Mini Update (after four days, I know, how pretentious):

I like this because every day I look forward to choosing my happy  moment. I think a lot about which moments I like the best and which I want to share - this one today, was an ending to a pretty happy day. 
My students just made me laugh today. Usually, I'm so concerned with unnecessary noises and weird things happening to my students or whispers that I don't take a step back just to watch them be kids. Today was one of those days where every time I looked up there was SOMETHING happening. 

I couldn't decide between this moment, a moment where I looked up during independent free play and watched a kid legitimately fall over (tried to catch himself and everything), or the moment of fun water bottle games in the hallway. I couldn't decide if mastery of quotation marks was happy enough, or if grading themselves on a writing rubric counted. 

In the end, I chose the quick photo of me holding a ton of programs for our school concert, featuring Baby Beluga. It was one of those moments where I looked around, realized that we all had been at school for over 12 hours, managed behaviors and taught first and second graders for the majority of that time, and all had smiles on our faces. We all sang along with the kiddos, watched them run up and down the hallways, dressed down and laughing. Sometimes it is so hard to get lost in our jobs - how hard they are, stressful, how much time our job gets vs the rest of our lives, but moments like today really do show me that even though one of my students dropped the F-bomb a few times, or a little girl was so sick she was crying...there's happiness everywhere, as long as we look for it. Until tomorrow, readers! 

Today's Happy Day: Program Queen of UA

Days Left: 96

View Instagram here, or add me @sadienewell!