The Dirty Thirty

Besides coming up with clever names for the Whole30, what am I doing? Ummm, dreaming about food. Thank you for asking. 

You guys. I'm so tired. I haven't worked out (is this normal then? Do I need to start pumping some iron?) and I can't even make it through the DAY without a nap. I teach the little ones in the morning and by the time I get home I'm so tired I could just go to bed outright. Does this go away? PLEASE say yes. I should try to work out. I bet I'd fit into this stupid dress (no offense Mad, the cause is not stupid, but the dress is) if I just you know, exercised for a second. Alas, I think I might need a bed WEEK if I do any sort of physical activity. I napped for three hours after school today. I'm still so tired I could go to bed! 

On a completely different note, can I just thank the maker of Larabars personally?! Not only are they delicious, Whole30 approved and actually made with things that expire, I love the price. I went to Target today and found all the boxes on sale! Win! 

I'm afraid to put on pants. I don't know if I'm past the bloating stage yet, or I'm just living there, so I refuse to put pants on. Seems legit, right? I an't figure out what exactly I'm in stage-wise. Today, day 8, says...

Day 8-9: For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER.

You’ve made it through the Hangover, and managed not to kill ALL the things, and you’re starting to feel like things are back on level ground again.  Then, you put on your pants. They’re just pants, completely normal pants. In fact, they’re the pants you wore just three days ago. (You were too tired to wash them. It’s okay, we understand.) And three days ago, they fit.  But this morning you had to take a big deep breath to get that button where it ought to be.  What gives?!

The same processes that ran over you like a truck a few days ago are still working their magic in your body.  Your body composition is not actually changing for the worse, we assure you. The enzymes that digest your food and the millions of bacteria that live in your gut are adjusting to your new intake of meat and vegetables, and the lack of easy-access sugars.  This is something they do naturally, and these adjustments have contributed to humanity’s ability to flourish throughout our history.  However, these adjustments can be a bit… uncomfortable. Bloating, constipation, diarrhea, or all three may appear as your gut starts to heal, rebalance, and process this new food effectively. The good news is that most people find this phase passes relatively quickly, and their pants are easy to button again within a week or so.

- See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.PlqswJIu.dpuf

But...but this was me already! Wait, I just realized that the phase before this is called "I Just Want a Nap" so maybe I am on track. Apparently I won't get my energy back for another, oh, 8 days. Yay me. Until then, you'll find me complaining about how exhausted I am. Kthx. 

There is something, though, that I find very interesting about this. 

I don't care if you never read my blog again, listen here and now. I'm going to tell you to listen like the kid that wants cupcakes.  Seriously, future lawyer.  I am a forever calorie-tracker. They say to not track calories or weigh yourself in your endeavors with Whole30 (sorry, to get in my shower I have to get on the scale); that you know, you're changing your body from the inside so it may not be accurate, etc etc. I believe that, and I've made an effort to not really delve or think much of it while my body sorts itself out. I was, however, curious about how many calories I've eaten on average. I used to eat around 800 a day, exercise and call it good. I never got abs, never felt good about my body, and although I'm not working out now and I'm bloated as eff, I feel better about what and how I'm eating. No lemonheads and wine dinners for this girl anymore. 

Anyway, I plugged in my meals today into livestrong myplate, and something very interesting happened. Just by listening to my body, making sure my plate had on it the things I was feeling like eating (within reason), I hit all my former calorie goals AND fell in the right percentages. I used to beat myself up about needing 6% more protein, less carbs and 2% more fat....now, it seems to come naturally with what I'm eating and that makes me a VERY happy girl. If you haven't started Whole30 yet, do it now. This instant! 

Today's Meals:

1: Sweet Potato, 2 eggs

2: faux-ghetti (zoodles) with chicken sausage and marinara, apple (found that this does NOT hold me over until dinner. not one bit!) 

3. asparagus (roasted), zoodles w. onion (sauteed) and lamb leg with a side of blueberries and raspberries

--because Meal 2 was too small (about 200 calories less than 1 and 3) I ended up eating like a heathen in my car after the grocery store. Snack of choice? Larabar. Although it was a snack, it was still a win! 

the last four days...

Last time we were together, dear reader, I was on day 3. Dreaming of food, thinking about food, cooking food, eating food. FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD. 

I just finished my last meal of the day (so I've officially completed day 7) and I want to recap my experiences thus far. I had a challenging weekend, but we will talk about that here in a nanosecond. So far, there have been a lot of interesting things happening inside my body. Don't worry, I'll explain in the most demure way. 

1. Fruit. Fruit seems to be the magical (new) demon. Can't have too much, for fear of replacing cravings with cravings, but unfortunately, as I learned in my traveling weekend, it is readily accessible at places like QT, and most the time, my only option. I ate a ton of fruit - or so it felt. It probably wasn't enough to take up a whole paragraph, but so be it. 

Whole Foods, however, really saved my life. Not only with their fruit selection (but also, amazing how you can buy fruit with coconut pieces in it. AMAZING)! 

2. Peer Support is SO HUGE. Listen, I've told people at work about it (some like to tease me about carbs and cheese!) but it's been a pretty positive experience there. When I went to OKC this weekend, I figured it would be difficult as M and I usually eat out, drink wine, have dessert, the usual. I told him I was going to do this Whole30 thing and didn't really go into detail, but when I was telling him what I could and couldn't have I had to laugh. "You can't have CHEESE? But why?!" "No cream in your coffee?!" "Just meat and vegetables?!" By the end of the weekend, he was on my level. Of course, when he ordered a cookie I gave him the death stare, but he was really great about making sure we went somewhere we could get something to eat that we could both enjoy or just eating at home (again, Whole Foods for the win). 

3. Sleep is..interesting. I'm back to talking in my sleep. Maybe I never stopped but it's one of those things: if a bear poops in the woods, does it count? No one is here with me during the week to see if I talk or not!  I fall asleep quickly, stay asleep longer, but my body is more tired than usual. I can't figure out what that's about, so hopefully it just stops soon. I'm pretty much over it. 

4. Speaking of sleeping, DREAMS are gettin' all sorts of funky. I had a dream last night I was eating everything. I started by telling myself no (real world situation right there) and then I tried talking myself into it (also real world). As the dream progressed, I had told myself it was okay to eat _____ and that since I already gave in and quit my Whole30 I should just keep eating. In my dream, I did. I was so sad and disappointed, until I woke up and the fact that I was asleep was confirmed! Dreams get funky, and you know the cravings are still there. 

5. I can't get enough sweet potatoes. 

6. Bloating and other ailments. So, when I read the timeline, it said I would get bloated. Sure, why not? It said maybe I'd have some issues passing my food through my intestines. Sure, why not? But when Thursday and Friday rolled around,  I was rounder than a beach ball and no chance of anything escaping. It was irritating, not to mention uncomfortable. Three days later I can look back and be grateful for restrooms and a boyfriend that thinks farts are funny, but it took a minute, and I wasn't sure if I would make it out alive. Best part about that was that I wasn't hungry, LOL! 

7. Looking forward to... a glass of wine when this is over with.....alongside my sweet potatoes! 

The Hangover....

Today marks the end of day 3. DAY 3!

How do I feel? Tired. Really tired. According to the Whole30 timeline, which is funny, accurate, and pretty much on point so far, I am completing the Hangover phase. This has been incredibly true, as my patience has been short with my students, and their little shrieks of laughter seem to be even louder than usual. This time around, it isn't as bad because I have been drinking coffee - so I haven't had to deal with the withdrawal symptoms at the same time. 

A few factoids about today/yesterday:

1. I had my first food dream: I ate a spoonful (like, big spoon. HUGEST SPOON) of cookie butter. I kicked myself knowing it was day 3 and I had just ruined it. I woke up shortly after panicked that it had actually happened. Trust me. It didn't. I almost wish it had. 

2. All my plates look like this.

For those of you that don't know what you're looking at, my plates are EMPTY and SPARSE because I am eating everything. It feels good to eat and not have side effects (see #4) but I hate doing dishes. Dishes are for squares. And dishwashers. the end. 

3. The timeline says this for today:

"Many Whole30ers report headaches, fatigue, and general malaise during this part of the program. This, my friends, is completely normal. Your body is working its way through a whole host of junk it stored from the foods (or food-like-products) you used to eat. This process lasts a day for some folks, but for others it can take a few days longer. Relax, drink a lot of water, and keep making good choices. And do your best to earn  sympathy and support from friends and family, because…"

- See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.RizvxGps.dpuf

Because day 4 is when I turn into a madwoman. Watch out, people, I'm coming for ya. 

4. The payoff is going to be great - I can already tell. Besides being able to tell what I can eat in the morning and make it to lunch without eating my arm (sweet potatoes and eggs do the trick), I can also tell you that I am able to eat and STOP at an appropriate time. Like I said, this is more for me to figure out my relationship with food, so for me to be able to look at a plate, stop when I am full (not when everything is gone) is a big step. I have always been a constant overeater...I can remember being about 8 at a summer party with my parents; you know, the one where its all adults and kids running around and there's wine and soda and terrible snacks and you're really not sure who's supervising? I remember being fed red vines, one after the other, and my mom finally telling the man that was feeding them to me to stop because I "didn't know [my] limits." To not have the so-full-i-need-to-lie-down feeling is so nice. 

5. I'm still really tired. When does that go away? 

point zero six

Well, today completes day 2, which means I am .06% finished with this challenge. 

What I have found easy:
1. drinking black coffee. 
2. eating at school. 
3. finding things TO eat. 


What has been difficult: 
1. explaining to my coworkers why I have chosen to do this. 
2. fighting the chocolate beast that lives inside of me. 
3. feeling undernourished - although, while reading, I realized today that it's just my mind playing tricks on me and not ACTUALLY undernourishment. I just have to say, "sorry. no cookies today."
4. admitting to myself that I actually have TERRIBLE eating habits. 
5. wanting to work out. 
6. sleeping (but this is always on the list)...


So far, well worth it. Remind me in a few days when I am crabby and want a glass of vino. :] 

One of Thirty.

Oh man, you guys. This thing is no joke. I know I told you I was going to start the Whole30 challenge (trust: it really is challenging) on Saturday, but I was in Wichita with my man and it didn't make sense. I did the best I could, but didn't stop myself from drinking wine, that's for sure!

After our exciting zoo trip on Sunday, I drove back to KC to get serious about this 30 days of nothing but whole foods. I stopped at Trader Joe's and got to work reading nutrition labels for sugar.

YOU GUYS. EVERYTHING HAS SUGAR IN IT. CHICKEN HAS SUGAR IN IT. 

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF SUGAR HAS ADDED SUGAR. 

This grocery trip took much longer than usual. I had to read EVERYTHING. I did, however, come out of TJ's with some good items and a little spring in my step. I know that I said I haven't finished anything lately which is true, but I know that I can. It will just take...work. 

I also decided that if I was going to get serious and do this, I needed to educate myself. I went to Barnes and Noble (for other reasons) and ended up grabbing this book as I went out. Of course, this book is about not only the Whole30 (sure, anyone can restrict themselves for 30 days) but also the science behind it. I'm not one to believe the hype when it comes to diet books (and trust me - I've read A LOT of them) but this one is actually fascinating. Dallas and Melissa really go in depth about what our bodies have been conditioned to tell us through the things we eat, and then (my favorite, not placing blame) tell the reader that it's okay we are feeling these things because we were supposed to. That although it isn't our fault that we want to eat these, we can learn to offset our choices and rewire our brains. 

It reminds me of teaching. In Pre-K, it is so much easier to teach a child that has only 4 years of learned behavior. Get that same kiddo in second grade, and they have to potentially unlearn 8 years of the same behavior. Shoot, it took me like 12 to stop biting my nails so I am really unsure that 30 days will reset my want for lemonheads and chocolate. 

I digress. Anyway, I am through Chapter 5; so far I've learned the science behind some stuff called glucose and insulin ("always fascinating," said the literature major) and how it really is about marketability in the food market. I have yet to learn about how I'm actually supposed to say no to the sugar voice inside my head, begging me for my favorite fat-free yellow orb. 

I will say this: in no way am I hungry. None at all. I am just simply yearning for some chocolate. Or candy in general in the worst way. So, what did I eat today? See below (pictures for my meals will at least be sporadic, but sometimes I'm too hungry to get that far)!

Breakfast: Shredded Sweet Potato with Eggs

Lunch: Lettuce wraps with mustard, avocado, HB egg and turkey

Snack: Apple with Almond Butter

Dinner: Lamb with Raw Broccoli and Onion

Nothing to write home about but I'm not hungry or left wanting anything when it comes from a nutritional standpoint. My body is yelling at me to eat candy and chocolate, but I'm saying no. I win for today! 

Day One: Success!!

Confession...

I never finish anything these days. 

You guys, it is incredibly frustrating. I never commit and finish ANYTHING. My big accomplishment is going to work every day. Let's be honest, that's not a huge thing to be proud of. Most adults actually go to work each day, even if they work when they get there. I'm one of those people that just has lost all sorts of drive I guess, and I need to find that spark that gets me back to who I used to be - the person I enjoy. 

I tried to do that 100 Happy Days project (something I haven't necessarily given up on - it's still a pipe dream) and I made it about 23 days. Woo, big deal. I post IG pictures every day anyway, and I couldn't even finish that? Pathetic.

I was going to yoga for a while. Loved it. Then I missed a day and never went back. I still don't understand why.  

I then decided I was going to do crossfit. I finished the elements class, but Dana and I have yet to go to an actual class because we are too scared to go hang out with all the ripped people in there. Fail. 

I don't even put my dishes in the dishwasher until the day after. Gross. I know that one is a more obvious, normal one, but bear with me. I'm trying to prove a point. 

The point is, if you don't know already, that I have a hard time getting things done. Today, after I realized that I'm just not comfortable in my own skin and with who I am right now, I decided that I have to commit to something in my personal life and stick to it. Something that is good for my health, something that might inspire me and challenge me. Something that I can be proud of that I actually finished. Cue music. 

I'm going to try and do the Whole30 for real this time.

Back in January, I started to do the Whole30 and I was real quiet about it because I didn't want to do it just to do it (same reason I didn't go to nursing school). I didn't want to be part of the crowd that was in it for the resolution (but believe me, I was). In September, I was working out a lot and actually starting to look pretty good - I was okay with what I looked like, what I felt like and knew when I was choosing to eat poorly.

Some days, I come home and I don't know what happens. I just want to eat everything. Although I've stopped baking as much to cut back on temptation, I'm still not doing the best I can and I'm making excuses for myself. I make excuses because I get lazy, and in between the hours of 7 and 9 pm, if I'm not sleeping, I'm looking longingly into my kitchen for something to snack on. Those of you that have been with me through my blogs know that it has been very challenging for me to have a positive relationship with food. I'm hoping, through these thirty days, that I can reset my system, think clearly, not wake up with migraines because I don't have an IV full of coffee, and that I can emerge as a butterfly. Tomorrow marks day 1, and I know it won't be a challenge probably until Tuesday, day 4. Stay tuned, readers. I'm determined to finish this bitch. 

mayday, mayday..

Thursday, May 1

Today's Happy Day: kiddie yoga

Days Left: 80

Today was a DAY. I'm talking, one of those days where you just look at kids and think, "what on EARTH has gotten into you?"nIt seemed like no matter what happened, I couldn't redirect my students, get their full attention or make sure they were doing their best. It is incredibly frustrating, and it leaves me exhausted by 3:15 when they get on the bus. Combine this with our state testing this week, and no one is thrilled. 

Alas, this challenge was meant to find happiness in all states of being, so my happy moment today was the last fifteen minutes of school. My students read a book on this little girl that does yoga for literacy today. In an effort to be a more balanced teacher, I wanted to let the kids experience what yoga was and how it challenged mind and bodies. 

Thank goodness for youtube, that's all I have to say. Some girl dressed in a onesie took my kids through 15 minutes of yoga today, and it was so fun to watch them. They got really into it, made funny faces and noises, and I was able to take all my stress from the day and remind myself why I teach. The days where kids throw fits, and crumple up papers, kick garbage cans, yell at you because you won't let them color....all of that goes away when you see them smile, laugh, and experience something new. Happy mayday, friends!