where's my bowling bag?!

Today marks the end of day 19, a big accomplishment in my mind! This week, I have been tried and tested and have found that I'm really doing okay at this. 

I've been testing myself, that's for sure - giving jelly beans to my students, or happy hour with the girls, and just making sure that this life is sustainable when I leave the confines of 30 days. I noticed that I don't miss a lot of things anymore. Yes, wine is always a perfect complement to any meal, and yes, sometimes I'd really like a toffee nut americano. But I know that these things are necessary and its hard to argue with feeling so damn good. 

But today was a struggle. I know I've mentioned (a million times) how tired I am. Well, I still am tired. I've come to terms with it, and realize that I have some other things to worry about like if I'm tired because of my job or because I'm medically tired. Time will tell. Anyway, today started with a leap out of bed after looking at my iPad for the time. It was 6:56 am - and I report to work at 7:15 each morning. Unfortunately, I didn't feel well the night before and hadn't packed my lunch - I also make my breakfast in the mornings before work so my eggs are fresh and over easy. Today, that wasn't in the cards. Cue breakfast:

Raw sweet potatoes and black coffee. It took me about ten minutes to open up the vacuum sealed Applegate turkey I had, but when the scissors came out, I added protein to this breakfast of champions. And perhaps a larabar.  

Lunch wasn't much better. Blueberries (more than I care to admit), the rest of my turkey, macadamia nuts and an apple that didn't make it in my stomach. 

Second Lunch/First Dinner was the best bet so far. We stopped at Kona, and after being a brat and explaining the confines of Whole30 to my bestie Elijah, he came out with a beautiful plate of bibb lettuce and a shrimp/chicken mix that wasn't seasoned or dipped in weird sauce. I am so thankful for him and his knowledge of whole foods. 

I'm betting there will be another meal/snack in my future, but I'm not really sure just yet. If there is, I don't plan on mentioning it ever so live it up now! This day was just a bust, but I found that I was able to navigate the waters of oversleeping, making choices on a gametime level, and still making a good choice for my health. Everyone was a winner today! 

Day 20, and the 10 day countdown start tomorrow! 

day 17 or bust.

I'm three days away from 20! That's weird, considering it felt like forever 8 days ago.

Today, I made dinner! It is technically "clean out yo fridge" week up in here, and my meals are getting a little wiggity-whack. Breakfast, per usual was a sweet potato/egg combo (and seriously, not going to show that since I eat out of tupperwares 90% of the day) that I inhaled when my students were eating breakfast. I will never be a slow eater. It's the curse of being a teacher - we eat in 10 minutes or less out of pure necessity. If it takes me 15 minutes to eat something, it must be really chewy. Note: I hate chewing. 

Lunch was chicken that I quickly just pan sauteed today while I was getting ready for work (before I was verbally assaulted by my loving neighbor) with a salad, the rest of my bacondates and some cherries.
I lost track of time in between 4 and 8, but I committed to eating dinner tonight. I realized that I don't really like eating dinner. I'd rather eat 2 big meals and a small snack at night than 3 meals. It's at least ... food for thought! hah! Pun intended. 

Anyway, for dinner I had...drumroll please....Trader Joe's pork belly, roasted asparagus, raw red pepper and butternut squash. Simple, easy, quick to make and delicious in my belly. Doesn't that look glorious? I can't imagine the things it would make me do with a fancy camera. This was too much goodness for one plate. I'm super full, and so happy that I finally sat down for a meal. I'm not sold on this whole dinner-as-a-meal business, but I'll look into it. I have some brussels sprouts that need attention by tomorrow or I'll have to throw them out.

Today's noteworthy moments:
I felt really good. No tiger blood, but I didn't nap after work! I am trying to wean myself off naps, but sometimes they are just too tempting. I also was able to curb my hunger and didn't snack between meals today. That's a big accomplishment so yay! See you tomorrow for day 18!

dinner: the hardest meal.

Day 16 is down in the books, folks!
(What does that even mean? What proverbial book is all this info kept in? #bigassbook)

Regardless, let's get the party started.
Day 16 is over and done, 
and Whole30 dinners are no fun. 
I wanted to make this little rhyme
to show that I can pass the time
...thinking about food. 

Now that I have a proper intro, I have about 4 things to say about dinners.

1. I can't bring myself to eat dinner, not in the whole meal sit down type of way.

2. I'm pretty sure my body is adjusting - I'm starving in the am, sometimes before lunch, and then nothing at dinner. I don't get hungry until around 8 and that is just too late for me to eat considering my bedtime.

3. I have all the  goodies to make a delicious dinner, it's all prepped...but I just don't have the drive. My energy is zapped.

4. After school I took a 2.5 hour nap. I'm preparing to go to sleep after this post. There's no time for dinner when I'm busy sleeping! Why am I so tired (beside the obvious reason that I am recovering from a sickness)!?

5. No snacks are for squares (not dinner related, sue me).

I'm also obsessed with bacondates, sweet potatoes and eggs. The people that cannot stand eggs by day 10 crack me up. I've been eating the same breakfast (usually hard boiled eggs) for at least a year now - what's thirty days AND I get to add sweet potatoes! This is a win-win.

What I'm noticing the most...
This is a total mindset change. I feel funny talking about this but bear with me. I have spent the last, oh, 10 years talking about food, weighing food, tracking the food I eat, making sure I'm within the realm of "healthy" so when it came to Whole30 and the rules are to listen to your body, eat right and not weigh yourself I thought for SURE I would balloon, that this wouldn't work for me. Yes, my body took more time to figure out what it was doing in regards to breaking down food and digesting but after the first hurdle, I've seriously been through a lot of change. I want to be clear - I have stepped on the scale and the number has stayed the same. I haven't done anything crazy there, like lose 40 pounds and not have diabetes, but I feel different. I can tell that I'm not bloated, that I've lost inches and that I can be a little less self-aware in what I'm wearing. Do I love the way I look? Of course not. Do I feel a bit more comfortable than I did 16 days ago? Definitely so. I think that the mindset is all relative, but that health is health. When we are healthy, we feel better about ourselves, when we feel better about ourselves we are our BEST selves. I'm just now finding my best self and I am so happy about that. It has been a long journey to KC and I feel like I'm finally finding my feet below me. It's been such a year, and I am so blessed to have come out on top. All sappiness aside, I do feel like the next 13 days will go by so quickly! Stick with me, and hopefully we will even have some fabulous dinners come out of this.

whoooaaaa, we're halfway there...

Sometimes, I do think I'm livin' on a prayer. 

But hey, all Jon Bon aside, today is the halfway point of the Whole30! I've made it fifteen whole days on this! Wahoo!! The rest has to be a cakewalk, right? Right. Let's recap the last few days.

Yesterday I was knocked on my ass by this sickness that I got last week...it. was. terrible. I knew I had been tired lately, and I just couldn't get motivated to work out or really get up in the mornings no matter how much I slept. After a couple weeks of this, combined with the beginning of Whole30, I put my body in some sort of shock that made it impossible to attack this sickness. After spending Sunday in bed, I feel a ton better. I ended up going to work today and by the end of the day I felt pretty good. Definitely the most bright eyed and bushy tailed that I've felt in a very long time. I'm excited to see what I feel like tomorrow morning.

Today I had an interesting day. I wasn't hungry for the majority of the day - breakfast (sweet potatoes and eggs) held me over until lunch (lettuce wraps + red pepper + apple + larabar) and I was sated until dinner (chicken asparagus stirfry + bacon wrapped dates + blueberries). But I just couldn't stop thinking about food. I wanted to eat all day. I can't figure out if its because I'm actually missing nutrients here or if I'm just replacing my energies in eating crap into eating the crappiest whole food I can find. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I know that this is a problem I'm trying to solve anyway. 

Tomorrow will be a better day. I just have to focus myself in the last 15 days to make great choices, continue on the path, and see where I'm at in 15 days. 

On a kind of related note, I made bacon wrapped dates today. OMG. so good. I can't get enough of these and I'm pretty sure I'm going to put myself into a coma eating all this goodness. All I did was cut bacon strips into thirds, pit my dates, and wrap them up! In the oven, 375 for 20 minutes (flip after ten) and the goodness comes out. If you haven't made them yet, please stop reading immediately and make these now. If you have, and you don't like them, I'm sorry, we can't be friends. They are in my fridge, calling my name, saying "eat me, eat me" and it's getting really hard to say no. Argh. Whole30 is really killing me. Who would have thought I wanted to eat bacondates 15 days ago? Not I. Not I. 

13? Already?

This can't be right! Have I already arrived at and completed Day 13? 

Why yes, dear readers, I have. 

Here I am, alive and ready to tell today's tale. It starts with a young twenty something (six) year old opening her eyes at 6:50, deciding it was too much work to get up and promptly rolling over. 

It starts, yet again, at 10:30 (much more appropriate for a Saturday) when I open my eyes for the second time. I roll over, go to rub my eyes and feel like I got punched in the left one.  My throat feels like I've swallowed nails, my body aches and I can't tell if I'm hot or cold - just that I'm not well. Being sick is the worst, and I'm almost positive I don't have strep, but a weird strand of the common cold. Rude. 

I digress. Besides dealing with THAT, I'm also trying to move into a different apartment in a week, and trying to be proactive about packing. This means that I need to start the process YESTERDAY to be ready to move next weekend. Am I ready? No. This sickness has brought down every ounce of will I ever had to be a productive human being. At least I will now rest easy knowing that I will, yet again, look like a fool on moving day. Maybe inspiration will strike and I'll get all my moving done during the week..or maybe I'll continue napping and forget about that plan altogether. Time will tell, so stay tuned. 

Anyway, I feel super under the weather today. I hardly have the energy to move from bed to couch, and my eyes are tired and droopy. Against better judgment, I tried to push through it most the morning. You know where that got me? On the couch, exhausted and tired at 2 pm. Not even worth it. In the process of pushing through my sickness, I wandered around my apartment trying to figure out where exactly to get started when it came to packing. My goal is to pack most things I won't need all week, so when the time comes, all I have to do is pack up the last little pieces and call it good. This is the HOPE and GOAL. I did manage to pack up all of my cupboards minus my pyrex dishes and tupperware in my kitchen today which is a huge accomplishment. 

If you've spent any time with me ever, you know that the best place to find me is either in bed napping or in my kitchen. I posted this on instagram today, after realizing what exactly I had to pack - apparently my baking has been put on hold while I finish this W30. Fine with me, but I do miss finding ways to make my kitchen come alive in the interim. Sweet potatoes only excite me for so long. I couldn't believe that just 4 things of sugar and 3 things of flour was 30 pounds of pure nothing. Pure nothing that I would willingly make into something else before I started this process. I'm not saying that after W30 I plan to never bake again, but after realizing that most things we need are whole foods, I don't plan on buying any more flour or sugar that isn't...enriched, bleached, etc. End rant. Now just to perfect my pinterest pages until I run out of these ingredients! I need guinea pigs! Willing volunteers, please let me know. :]

Nothing new on the W30 front today - just hanging out, forcing myself to eat and drink a ton of water. We will see what happens in the back half of the W30! Hoping for some positive change in the next few weeks. Also looking forward to that glass of wine on day 31. 

orange is the new black.

Do you think if I eat too many sweet potatoes, I'll turn orange like people do with carrots? 

I hope not. 

This post has nothing to do with the TV show..sorry in advance. But since I got you here, please, keep reading! Let's have a real-life chat about Whole30. Let's just go there, and do it. 

Let's start at the timeline and see where the winds take us. Please keep in mind that I'm quarantined for the next 24 hours as I really DO have strep throat and I have talked to almost everyone I can possibly think of that will text or call me back. So...timeline, Day 12.

Days 12-15: Boundless energy! Now give me a damn Twinkie.

Hurray! The slump is over! Your pants fit again! Your energy levels are better than normal – you’re downright Tigger the bouncing tiger! But something weird is happening. You’re dreaming. Not crazy nightmare or strange surrealist dreams, either. Incredibly normal and realistic dreams – about donuts. Or Twinkies. Or Snickers.* In your mind, sometimes you get caught and feel guilty. Sometimes you just brazenly eat the contraband. But then, the feelings start following you into the waking hours. Suddenly, you’re craving things you don’t even like. (For me, it’s Diet Coke and Twinkies, for Melissa Hartwig, it was fast-food cheeseburgers!) Your co-workers’ heads transform into giant Girl Scout Cookies as you gaze on in disbelief. Seriously, you’ve almost hit the halfway mark, and now this?!

All joking aside, though, this phase gets really intense and for some people. This is the part of the program where our minds try to drive us back to the comfort of the foods we used to know. Our food relationships are deeply rooted and strongly reinforced throughout the course of our lives and breaking through them is really big deal. Journaling can be especially enlightening and helpful during this phase, and helpful for reflection later. Take some time to jot down what you’re craving, how you’re feeling and what tools you’re using to work through the cravings.

- See more here!

Okay people. I've had the cravings, I've had the dreams. None of that is happening right now. I've neglected to put on pants for fear that nothing has happened to me so I can't tell you if those fit or not. I have strep throat, so my energy levels are less than 12, and I haven't worked out on Whole30 because I've been so exhausted. It's actually been, a PHYSICAL nightmare more than emotional.  Don't get me wrong, I'm emotionally attached to food, but I find that emotional detachment works with whatever you apply it to. In this case, I applied it to the foods I liked and I figured out a way to not miss them so much. I still have Gatorade in my fridge, along with Dijon mustard, beer (thanks, Lindsay) and various wines, but I haven't thought of opening them, downing them, or found myself wandering to the kitchen while I should be sleeping. To be frank, I feel adjusted more or less. 

What concerns me is the lack of physical benefits I'm noticing. Since I haven't put on pants it kind of is hard to tell, but I don't think things are fitting better, and I got weighed at the doctors office and the scale hasn't budged (and don't tell me that the scale isn't the be all end all. Old habits die hard). I'm mad. I'm not sleeping better except for that one day which proved to be an anomaly, I don't feel better and I just feel like now I'm stuck in this weird food rut which is only changed from my regular food ruts by about four things. I just can't win. I know I'll feel better and less defeated in a few days, but I would really like to know when I start to feel amazing, start to feel awesome. I'd like to mention here that this is more than a weight thing-  I've been reading a lot of blogs and it seems like everyone is like, "my skin is clear! I am so full of energy! I love my life!" Umm I haven't cheated ONE TIME and I feel like hell, my skin never looked gross and I have zero energy and spend a lot of time napping. Someone please problem solve my life for me. 

Right now, it would be very easy to quit Whole30 and never look back; say it never worked for me. I can't rightfully do that until I go through the whole thing so....18 days to go. 

ho hum. day 11.

It's naptime again, and today I forgot my book. Feel free to stop reading now! But seriously, I've gotten a lot of feedback from you, readers, and I am humbled that you take the time to read about my life and my adventures with Whole30. I appreciate each and every one of you! Today has been a wonderful day when it comes to my personal life and goals, but when it comes to Whole30, I'm definitely in the rut. Let's start with the timeline, shall we?

Days 10-11: The Hardest Days.
Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11. By this point, the newness of the program has worn off. You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises. You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.”  Everywhere you look, you see the things you “can’t” have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler. Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as “they” all say it is.
You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.
This is where you really start to experience the psychological hold that your food habits have on you. You’ve put in a lot of effort to get to where you are right now, but you’re still waiting for the results you’re hoping to see. Your  brain tells you that you deserve some kind of reward (don’t you?) and, of course, we’ve been conditioned to think of food as the best reward out there. Right now, you’re craving that ice cream, beer, or whatever treat you think would make for just the right reward. But, instead of that treat, you’re standing face to face with the realization that you have 20 more days of deprivation ahead of you.
The key here is to redefine your idea of reward.  Think long and hard about the foods you’re grieving and ask yourself what need you’re expecting them to fulfill.  Are you feeling anxious and looking for reassurance?  Are you feeling sad, and looking for something to cheer you up? Are you worried you won’t successfully finish the program, and it’s easier to self-sabotage than fail? Remind yourself that food cannot fill that void for you—cannot make you feel truly accomplished, comforted, calm, happy, beautiful. Then, find another way to fill that need that does not involve those foods. Prepare yourselves for these days, knowing that all you have to do is see them through to the other side before things get much, much easier.
- See more here!

I am pretty sure I yelled at one of my wonderful coworkers after finding a chocolate bar (skinny cow chocolate plus caramel yummmm) in her lunchbox- and yesterday I had sweet potatoes and eggs for breakfast AND dinner. Namely,  I love sweet potatoes, but also because I'm bored with my food choices. I haven't really had any weird food dreams lately, which is nice, but I do find myself just wanting to eat a ton. I am hungry, and I'm not sure if it's because my body is adapting or because I just psychologically want. to. eat. Time will tell, I suppose! I also want a taco. I don't generally like tacos. I blame my chocolate eating coworker, who brought taco salad today (you know who you are...)! 

I'm not craving anything, but I am hungry. I also woke up with a sore throat after not feeling rested this morning. We will see what's going on in the coming days, but so far, I'm holding on strong! ....I'm still waiting for the magic to happen. 


afternoon update on sore throat: almost positive I have strep. Hydrogen peroxide and my couch have been my very best friends. I'd go to the doctor, but who needs modern medicine? I'm not broken! 

PS, I'm trying to be better about pictures, I swear! 

ONE THIRD!!

You guys, as I sit here, in the throes of day 10, my mind is blown. 

Not only have I actually made it 10 days without cheating, stopping, or getting bored of the foods I'm eating, I've (dare I say?) enjoyed the mental challenge this has made me face. Yesterday was TOUGH. Actually, the last 2 days were tough. I left you at the end of day 8 with a blog about how I couldn't sleep enough. 

Two hours later, I was wondering if I would ever sleep again. I guess my nap was so hardcore that my body decided that it would wait until about 2 am to fall back asleep. Although I was exhausted yesterday, I held out on napping after work, and instead started getting my life in order: cleaning my kitchen, sorting my laundry, etc. Ah, it felt good to be productive! I went to bed last night, read a little in Harry Potter, then passed out. I slept, without waking up, until 5:58 this morning and felt like a brand. new. person. 

I'm too pessimistic to say that the exhaustion is over, but dang, did it feel good to wake up without any aches and pains or tired eyes. The next step is (according to the timeline) the hardest to get over. For the next three days the timeline assumes that I will want to quit. Can I just say, right now, that last night I passed the time by googling Whole30 Failure? Yes, it was helpful in keeping my mind off the no-no cupboard I have, but at the same time, I felt the urge to have a glass of wine, or juice, or anything that wasn't water. Unfortunately for my taste buds, and fortunately for me, I refrained and went to bed instead. I woke up feeling great today, so I'm going to take it as a win! 

Today I'm meeting some out-of-town friends that I haven't seen since their wedding last summer. I am hoping to stay strong and not do anything that kills my hard work - because trust me, this is hard work - but I know in the end it is just up to me to say no.  

Brownies, Wine, and Candy, oh my.

 20 days to go! 

The Dirty Thirty

Besides coming up with clever names for the Whole30, what am I doing? Ummm, dreaming about food. Thank you for asking. 

You guys. I'm so tired. I haven't worked out (is this normal then? Do I need to start pumping some iron?) and I can't even make it through the DAY without a nap. I teach the little ones in the morning and by the time I get home I'm so tired I could just go to bed outright. Does this go away? PLEASE say yes. I should try to work out. I bet I'd fit into this stupid dress (no offense Mad, the cause is not stupid, but the dress is) if I just you know, exercised for a second. Alas, I think I might need a bed WEEK if I do any sort of physical activity. I napped for three hours after school today. I'm still so tired I could go to bed! 

On a completely different note, can I just thank the maker of Larabars personally?! Not only are they delicious, Whole30 approved and actually made with things that expire, I love the price. I went to Target today and found all the boxes on sale! Win! 

I'm afraid to put on pants. I don't know if I'm past the bloating stage yet, or I'm just living there, so I refuse to put pants on. Seems legit, right? I an't figure out what exactly I'm in stage-wise. Today, day 8, says...

Day 8-9: For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER.

You’ve made it through the Hangover, and managed not to kill ALL the things, and you’re starting to feel like things are back on level ground again.  Then, you put on your pants. They’re just pants, completely normal pants. In fact, they’re the pants you wore just three days ago. (You were too tired to wash them. It’s okay, we understand.) And three days ago, they fit.  But this morning you had to take a big deep breath to get that button where it ought to be.  What gives?!

The same processes that ran over you like a truck a few days ago are still working their magic in your body.  Your body composition is not actually changing for the worse, we assure you. The enzymes that digest your food and the millions of bacteria that live in your gut are adjusting to your new intake of meat and vegetables, and the lack of easy-access sugars.  This is something they do naturally, and these adjustments have contributed to humanity’s ability to flourish throughout our history.  However, these adjustments can be a bit… uncomfortable. Bloating, constipation, diarrhea, or all three may appear as your gut starts to heal, rebalance, and process this new food effectively. The good news is that most people find this phase passes relatively quickly, and their pants are easy to button again within a week or so.

- See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.PlqswJIu.dpuf

But...but this was me already! Wait, I just realized that the phase before this is called "I Just Want a Nap" so maybe I am on track. Apparently I won't get my energy back for another, oh, 8 days. Yay me. Until then, you'll find me complaining about how exhausted I am. Kthx. 

There is something, though, that I find very interesting about this. 

I don't care if you never read my blog again, listen here and now. I'm going to tell you to listen like the kid that wants cupcakes.  Seriously, future lawyer.  I am a forever calorie-tracker. They say to not track calories or weigh yourself in your endeavors with Whole30 (sorry, to get in my shower I have to get on the scale); that you know, you're changing your body from the inside so it may not be accurate, etc etc. I believe that, and I've made an effort to not really delve or think much of it while my body sorts itself out. I was, however, curious about how many calories I've eaten on average. I used to eat around 800 a day, exercise and call it good. I never got abs, never felt good about my body, and although I'm not working out now and I'm bloated as eff, I feel better about what and how I'm eating. No lemonheads and wine dinners for this girl anymore. 

Anyway, I plugged in my meals today into livestrong myplate, and something very interesting happened. Just by listening to my body, making sure my plate had on it the things I was feeling like eating (within reason), I hit all my former calorie goals AND fell in the right percentages. I used to beat myself up about needing 6% more protein, less carbs and 2% more fat....now, it seems to come naturally with what I'm eating and that makes me a VERY happy girl. If you haven't started Whole30 yet, do it now. This instant! 

Today's Meals:

1: Sweet Potato, 2 eggs

2: faux-ghetti (zoodles) with chicken sausage and marinara, apple (found that this does NOT hold me over until dinner. not one bit!) 

3. asparagus (roasted), zoodles w. onion (sauteed) and lamb leg with a side of blueberries and raspberries

--because Meal 2 was too small (about 200 calories less than 1 and 3) I ended up eating like a heathen in my car after the grocery store. Snack of choice? Larabar. Although it was a snack, it was still a win! 

the last four days...

Last time we were together, dear reader, I was on day 3. Dreaming of food, thinking about food, cooking food, eating food. FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD. 

I just finished my last meal of the day (so I've officially completed day 7) and I want to recap my experiences thus far. I had a challenging weekend, but we will talk about that here in a nanosecond. So far, there have been a lot of interesting things happening inside my body. Don't worry, I'll explain in the most demure way. 

1. Fruit. Fruit seems to be the magical (new) demon. Can't have too much, for fear of replacing cravings with cravings, but unfortunately, as I learned in my traveling weekend, it is readily accessible at places like QT, and most the time, my only option. I ate a ton of fruit - or so it felt. It probably wasn't enough to take up a whole paragraph, but so be it. 

Whole Foods, however, really saved my life. Not only with their fruit selection (but also, amazing how you can buy fruit with coconut pieces in it. AMAZING)! 

2. Peer Support is SO HUGE. Listen, I've told people at work about it (some like to tease me about carbs and cheese!) but it's been a pretty positive experience there. When I went to OKC this weekend, I figured it would be difficult as M and I usually eat out, drink wine, have dessert, the usual. I told him I was going to do this Whole30 thing and didn't really go into detail, but when I was telling him what I could and couldn't have I had to laugh. "You can't have CHEESE? But why?!" "No cream in your coffee?!" "Just meat and vegetables?!" By the end of the weekend, he was on my level. Of course, when he ordered a cookie I gave him the death stare, but he was really great about making sure we went somewhere we could get something to eat that we could both enjoy or just eating at home (again, Whole Foods for the win). 

3. Sleep is..interesting. I'm back to talking in my sleep. Maybe I never stopped but it's one of those things: if a bear poops in the woods, does it count? No one is here with me during the week to see if I talk or not!  I fall asleep quickly, stay asleep longer, but my body is more tired than usual. I can't figure out what that's about, so hopefully it just stops soon. I'm pretty much over it. 

4. Speaking of sleeping, DREAMS are gettin' all sorts of funky. I had a dream last night I was eating everything. I started by telling myself no (real world situation right there) and then I tried talking myself into it (also real world). As the dream progressed, I had told myself it was okay to eat _____ and that since I already gave in and quit my Whole30 I should just keep eating. In my dream, I did. I was so sad and disappointed, until I woke up and the fact that I was asleep was confirmed! Dreams get funky, and you know the cravings are still there. 

5. I can't get enough sweet potatoes. 

6. Bloating and other ailments. So, when I read the timeline, it said I would get bloated. Sure, why not? It said maybe I'd have some issues passing my food through my intestines. Sure, why not? But when Thursday and Friday rolled around,  I was rounder than a beach ball and no chance of anything escaping. It was irritating, not to mention uncomfortable. Three days later I can look back and be grateful for restrooms and a boyfriend that thinks farts are funny, but it took a minute, and I wasn't sure if I would make it out alive. Best part about that was that I wasn't hungry, LOL! 

7. Looking forward to... a glass of wine when this is over with.....alongside my sweet potatoes! 

The Hangover....

Today marks the end of day 3. DAY 3!

How do I feel? Tired. Really tired. According to the Whole30 timeline, which is funny, accurate, and pretty much on point so far, I am completing the Hangover phase. This has been incredibly true, as my patience has been short with my students, and their little shrieks of laughter seem to be even louder than usual. This time around, it isn't as bad because I have been drinking coffee - so I haven't had to deal with the withdrawal symptoms at the same time. 

A few factoids about today/yesterday:

1. I had my first food dream: I ate a spoonful (like, big spoon. HUGEST SPOON) of cookie butter. I kicked myself knowing it was day 3 and I had just ruined it. I woke up shortly after panicked that it had actually happened. Trust me. It didn't. I almost wish it had. 

2. All my plates look like this.

For those of you that don't know what you're looking at, my plates are EMPTY and SPARSE because I am eating everything. It feels good to eat and not have side effects (see #4) but I hate doing dishes. Dishes are for squares. And dishwashers. the end. 

3. The timeline says this for today:

"Many Whole30ers report headaches, fatigue, and general malaise during this part of the program. This, my friends, is completely normal. Your body is working its way through a whole host of junk it stored from the foods (or food-like-products) you used to eat. This process lasts a day for some folks, but for others it can take a few days longer. Relax, drink a lot of water, and keep making good choices. And do your best to earn  sympathy and support from friends and family, because…"

- See more at: http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/#sthash.RizvxGps.dpuf

Because day 4 is when I turn into a madwoman. Watch out, people, I'm coming for ya. 

4. The payoff is going to be great - I can already tell. Besides being able to tell what I can eat in the morning and make it to lunch without eating my arm (sweet potatoes and eggs do the trick), I can also tell you that I am able to eat and STOP at an appropriate time. Like I said, this is more for me to figure out my relationship with food, so for me to be able to look at a plate, stop when I am full (not when everything is gone) is a big step. I have always been a constant overeater...I can remember being about 8 at a summer party with my parents; you know, the one where its all adults and kids running around and there's wine and soda and terrible snacks and you're really not sure who's supervising? I remember being fed red vines, one after the other, and my mom finally telling the man that was feeding them to me to stop because I "didn't know [my] limits." To not have the so-full-i-need-to-lie-down feeling is so nice. 

5. I'm still really tired. When does that go away? 

point zero six

Well, today completes day 2, which means I am .06% finished with this challenge. 

What I have found easy:
1. drinking black coffee. 
2. eating at school. 
3. finding things TO eat. 


What has been difficult: 
1. explaining to my coworkers why I have chosen to do this. 
2. fighting the chocolate beast that lives inside of me. 
3. feeling undernourished - although, while reading, I realized today that it's just my mind playing tricks on me and not ACTUALLY undernourishment. I just have to say, "sorry. no cookies today."
4. admitting to myself that I actually have TERRIBLE eating habits. 
5. wanting to work out. 
6. sleeping (but this is always on the list)...


So far, well worth it. Remind me in a few days when I am crabby and want a glass of vino. :] 

One of Thirty.

Oh man, you guys. This thing is no joke. I know I told you I was going to start the Whole30 challenge (trust: it really is challenging) on Saturday, but I was in Wichita with my man and it didn't make sense. I did the best I could, but didn't stop myself from drinking wine, that's for sure!

After our exciting zoo trip on Sunday, I drove back to KC to get serious about this 30 days of nothing but whole foods. I stopped at Trader Joe's and got to work reading nutrition labels for sugar.

YOU GUYS. EVERYTHING HAS SUGAR IN IT. CHICKEN HAS SUGAR IN IT. 

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF SUGAR HAS ADDED SUGAR. 

This grocery trip took much longer than usual. I had to read EVERYTHING. I did, however, come out of TJ's with some good items and a little spring in my step. I know that I said I haven't finished anything lately which is true, but I know that I can. It will just take...work. 

I also decided that if I was going to get serious and do this, I needed to educate myself. I went to Barnes and Noble (for other reasons) and ended up grabbing this book as I went out. Of course, this book is about not only the Whole30 (sure, anyone can restrict themselves for 30 days) but also the science behind it. I'm not one to believe the hype when it comes to diet books (and trust me - I've read A LOT of them) but this one is actually fascinating. Dallas and Melissa really go in depth about what our bodies have been conditioned to tell us through the things we eat, and then (my favorite, not placing blame) tell the reader that it's okay we are feeling these things because we were supposed to. That although it isn't our fault that we want to eat these, we can learn to offset our choices and rewire our brains. 

It reminds me of teaching. In Pre-K, it is so much easier to teach a child that has only 4 years of learned behavior. Get that same kiddo in second grade, and they have to potentially unlearn 8 years of the same behavior. Shoot, it took me like 12 to stop biting my nails so I am really unsure that 30 days will reset my want for lemonheads and chocolate. 

I digress. Anyway, I am through Chapter 5; so far I've learned the science behind some stuff called glucose and insulin ("always fascinating," said the literature major) and how it really is about marketability in the food market. I have yet to learn about how I'm actually supposed to say no to the sugar voice inside my head, begging me for my favorite fat-free yellow orb. 

I will say this: in no way am I hungry. None at all. I am just simply yearning for some chocolate. Or candy in general in the worst way. So, what did I eat today? See below (pictures for my meals will at least be sporadic, but sometimes I'm too hungry to get that far)!

Breakfast: Shredded Sweet Potato with Eggs

Lunch: Lettuce wraps with mustard, avocado, HB egg and turkey

Snack: Apple with Almond Butter

Dinner: Lamb with Raw Broccoli and Onion

Nothing to write home about but I'm not hungry or left wanting anything when it comes from a nutritional standpoint. My body is yelling at me to eat candy and chocolate, but I'm saying no. I win for today! 

Day One: Success!!

Confession...

I never finish anything these days. 

You guys, it is incredibly frustrating. I never commit and finish ANYTHING. My big accomplishment is going to work every day. Let's be honest, that's not a huge thing to be proud of. Most adults actually go to work each day, even if they work when they get there. I'm one of those people that just has lost all sorts of drive I guess, and I need to find that spark that gets me back to who I used to be - the person I enjoy. 

I tried to do that 100 Happy Days project (something I haven't necessarily given up on - it's still a pipe dream) and I made it about 23 days. Woo, big deal. I post IG pictures every day anyway, and I couldn't even finish that? Pathetic.

I was going to yoga for a while. Loved it. Then I missed a day and never went back. I still don't understand why.  

I then decided I was going to do crossfit. I finished the elements class, but Dana and I have yet to go to an actual class because we are too scared to go hang out with all the ripped people in there. Fail. 

I don't even put my dishes in the dishwasher until the day after. Gross. I know that one is a more obvious, normal one, but bear with me. I'm trying to prove a point. 

The point is, if you don't know already, that I have a hard time getting things done. Today, after I realized that I'm just not comfortable in my own skin and with who I am right now, I decided that I have to commit to something in my personal life and stick to it. Something that is good for my health, something that might inspire me and challenge me. Something that I can be proud of that I actually finished. Cue music. 

I'm going to try and do the Whole30 for real this time.

Back in January, I started to do the Whole30 and I was real quiet about it because I didn't want to do it just to do it (same reason I didn't go to nursing school). I didn't want to be part of the crowd that was in it for the resolution (but believe me, I was). In September, I was working out a lot and actually starting to look pretty good - I was okay with what I looked like, what I felt like and knew when I was choosing to eat poorly.

Some days, I come home and I don't know what happens. I just want to eat everything. Although I've stopped baking as much to cut back on temptation, I'm still not doing the best I can and I'm making excuses for myself. I make excuses because I get lazy, and in between the hours of 7 and 9 pm, if I'm not sleeping, I'm looking longingly into my kitchen for something to snack on. Those of you that have been with me through my blogs know that it has been very challenging for me to have a positive relationship with food. I'm hoping, through these thirty days, that I can reset my system, think clearly, not wake up with migraines because I don't have an IV full of coffee, and that I can emerge as a butterfly. Tomorrow marks day 1, and I know it won't be a challenge probably until Tuesday, day 4. Stay tuned, readers. I'm determined to finish this bitch.